The Green Motion Scam

So there is this car rental company called as Green Motion from where I used to rent cars quite frequently. This year alone, I might have used their services 5 to 6 times. All these times, my experience has been quite good until........

 It was the Sunday of Oct 21st 2013 when I went to Green Motion Heathrow London to pick up my car. Lucky me I even got an upgrade from a small car to a Vauxhall Insignia (pssst !!! Its a trap). Unlike the song that Sunil Shetty used to hear in Hera Pheri, I heard none while this happened.

As usual they carried out basic checks on the washed car which was still very soapy and hardly took a couple of minutes to check any dents or scratches on the car at the time of renting it. Everything looked good and we had a great time on Sunday.

I went to return it the next day and the bumper to bumper traffic had already made the Monday morning blues even worse. As I finally arrived at their place to return it, the guy who came to do the final checks hardly checked anything and went directly for the front wind shield and said " This is chipped off, you would have to pay damages".

Upon closely examining it, I could see two small dots on the glass, like two pin pricks. I knew I was being scammed right there but in spite of arguing that I had nothing to do with those, the guy wasn't ready to budge. What made it worse was that the other 4 people from the company ganged up against me. I couldn't even say "F**k off" and leave as they had already taken £300 as deposit  and made me pay £100 for so called "damages". See if you can spot it. It was already 10:30 and I was extremely late for work and had was no mood to argue further. The only response from their side was , "Pay us and go claim with your third party insurance provider"

                                         

I must say that Zenith, the insurance providers were quite helpful and gave me back  70% of the money. But I did some further research into Green Motion and this is what I found.

• There are numerous others who have been scammed in similar ways and it's always either the wind shield or  tyres and rims.
• Green Motion makes its money out of renting out cars for reasonable prices and scamming the customers for 100s of £.
• They specifically target people who do not have a British passport and especially the ones who have a connecting flight to catch in few hours.

My sincere advice to anyone thinking of hiring from Green Motion is

                                      *****PLEASE DO NOT*****

The disgusting bastards don't even show any respect to their customers and have no ethics whatsoever.

A month later, the only thing I'm currently able to do is hurl abuses at the entire family tree of the people who run the company and write this blog post. Sigh !!!

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Lucia - Watch the movie here

After months of promotions and numerous hurdles, Lucia is finally available to watch online. Now that you have navigated yourself correctly to this blog, why not click a couple more times and start watching the movie right here.

I hope you have your socks on, cause this movie is going to blow them away!!! Enjoy the best Kannada movie of this era :-)

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Movie Reviews - Lucia

Most of the times, its the star cast, trailer, hype around the budget, rumours about the storyline that are the factors that get people excited about a movie. But it was all quite different for Lucia. Mainly because none of the factors mentioned above were the catalysts behind promoting it.

I had been following Pawan's updates on Facebook since he set shop on Lucia. Not only is this a one of a kind crowd funded Kannada movie but in my opinion, should have actually been called "SociaLucia". Mainly because the musical backbone and tune pumping arteries were actually discovered using Facebook and Youtube. I also felt that Pawan's openness in sharing intricate details of the project regularly was very commendable.

So this meant that as soon as I heard about Lucia being featured on the London Indian Film Festival (LIFF), I booked the tickets for its world première. On the day, me and silent arrived quite early at the venue and saw Pawan walking around quite tensed, mainly because he couldn't connect to the wifi and update his followers. He genuinely sounded quite apologetic that he couldn't carry out live streaming as promised. But must say, a humble guy who still has his feet grounded and a vision set for the stars. He too studied in PESIT and was a dropout and I'm glad he did that!!

I'm not going to play a spoilsport and hence will not be revealing any spoilers here. The movie starts with the hero Satish having a pretty relaxed life as an usher in his close friend's movie theatre (to get the exactly feel of the scene, in his words its "ನಮ್ ಶಂಕರನ್ನನ talkies ನಾಗೆ ಬ್ಯಾಟೆರಿ ಬುಡೋ ಕೆಲಸ ನಂದು") . His only problem in life being insomnia. One day he comes across a few guys who introduce him to "Lucia" which would then change his life totally.

He then starts dreaming that he is a pretty famous movie star who is not devoid of all the fame and glamour attached to it. What follows this is two stories that run in parallel throughout the movie. To differentiate the movie star story from the  ಬ್ಯಾಟೆರಿ ಬುಡೋ story, its shown in black and white. 

While he maintains a rugged look with a stubble as an usher, he has a clean shaven (surprisingly extremely smart) look as a movie star. For any sequence that occurs in one side of the story, there is a well thought of sequence occurring in the other. While he falls in love with a girl who visits the theatre to watch a movie with her friends, the same girl enters his dreams as an item dancer who starts flirting with him (*plays Jamma Jamma song*).

There are hundreds of such scenarios throughout the movie and I stand the risk of drifting towards revealing spoilers if I start explaining them in detail. The stories move at a good pace on both the sides and at the end, you see a guy who finally finds a cure for his insomnia in a way which most people would find quite calming.

I give the movie a 5/5 for numerous factors. Firstly, because of the story and the vision behind it. Must say, it had a certain "Nolanesque" feel to it. You might hear people saying that its similar to Inception, The Machinist , Insomnia etc but don't believe them. Its nothing like any of them and is based on a totally different concept which I haven't seen in any movie.

Secondly, the music is absolutely fantastic and if you've followed Pawan on Facebook, you would have even seen the long history behind some of the songs which makes it even better. "ನೀ ಮಾಯೆಯೊಳಗೋ, ಮಾಯೆ ನಿನ್ನೊಳಗೊ" is probably one of the best songs that I've heard that actually mirror the situation in the movie. In an essence, the lyrics of that song actually sum up the movie.

Finally, Satish and Sruthi are absolutely wonderful in both their roles. ಕ್ವಾಟಲೆ Satisha has indeed given a kwaatle performance in the movie. When the movie does come out in your city, please watch it as I can guarantee you that its going to be a cult favourite. Oh !! and one more thing, you might want to watch the movie a second time. You'll know the reason once you watch it.

To contribute your bit to become a part of history and also help the movie makers, please do pre-order the movie using the below link.


Preorder Lucia and make the dream come true

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Croatia - A Snowy Start

It was an early flight on a cold morning, full of not so pretty air hostesses. The wifu decided to have a quick nap, and though I'm not the person who usually chats to strangers, I gave it a shot. I'm not sure whether that person sitting next to me was constipated or hungover or had a colonoscopy done recently or all three. I thought I was the socially awkward penguin but this guy made me feel like unsalted butter.

Landed in Zagreb a bit late and picked up some new words looking at the signs. It was time to rent a car and I've seen even samosa sellers more passionate about their products than this rental guy. I enquired about some taxes on the bills and his reply was *with a smile* "Please sign here, I dunno anything" . I ask him about the speed limits and he says *with a smile* "Boards everywhere, don't worry" which later turned out to be not true. I think he was the company's only employee. He went to wash the car and get it from the parking lot and left the counter unattended. It was then I realized that he hadn't even turned the lights on inside his booth.

Finally got the car, a decent Aveo. But the problem started as soon as we sat in the car. The left hand steering, driving on the right side of the road in an unknown country and testing a new GPS for the first time. Luckily we both had that teenager kinda josh to just get going and take things as they came along. There were numerous times when I tried to change the gear with my left hand and kept banging my hand against the door. But guess what, the experience of invariably overtaking from left on Bangalore-Mysore highway finally got me into my comfort zone and made me feel at home.

The speed limits were clearly marked on the freeways (autocesta) and was in most places 130. But the problem was that our car was probably having her time of the month. At times it would be above par to the speed limit but in most cases would struggle to keep up to it. I even tried standing on the accelerator and it would still be a bit stubborn. 

We kept passing through numerous towns and the houses resembled Indian rural houses. Amidst heavy snow, most of the restaurants were either shut, or had their access blocked by snow or looked terrible. It was only after a couple of hours that we found a decent place to eat. By this time, we had got off the freeway and the speed limits ranged from 40 to 90 within half a km. In spite of maintaining the limit, I got numerous stares from overtaking vehicles (another incident that reminded of India).

We planned to visit Barac caves which were famous for its stalacities and stalagmites but unfortunately the caves were shut due to snow. We drove along from here and the road started to get a rough with a bit of potholes, then full of gravel, then just slush and finally we reached a point where no vehicle had gone past it. There was around 2 feet of snow everywhere and was no way one could differentiate a road from a deep pit. What made it worse was there were hardly any houses around and the only soul apart from us was a dog.

It was so quiet there that one could probably hear the sound of even a snow flake hitting the ground. After admiring our interesting situation, we decided to turn around and trace our road back to the highway.  



It had started to get dark and we finally checked into the house and our host Osana was very friendly and warm. She even got us some home made sweet pastry which was a local delicacy. It was tasty but I just couldn't get her to tell me its name. After all, she only spoke a few English words. 

This was just day 1. One of the best days was day 2. Lots more to follow ....

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The Story Of 3 Knots - Part 3

I had barely caught 40 winks when I heard some knocking at the door. To my surprise, it was the bride who woke me up. We walked around the venue to find that flower arrangements were extremely beautiful. I bid adieu to her and went back into the room but hardly anyone had woken up.

I was apparently not supposed to have my breakfast and I wasn't in any mood to argue with anyone about it. So my roomies went out to get some biscuits for me and also left me something so that I could "release it in peace" one last time as a bachelor.

I took more time than usual to get ready this time. Squeezing myself into the traditional attire was a different experience. Abstaining from desserts for a couple of months had helped in a way. A colleague of mine later described it as the "Prince of Persia attire". Yes, I guess I would prefer that name. After I got ready there were quite a few people in my room. The purohit came and started talking some nonsense.

They walked me to a small temple in the Choultry and RLG uncle was supposed to hold an umbrella for me as we walked. But in spite of numerous people telling him he wasn't doing it right, he made sure that he was completely protected from the sun while I wasn't. He still gets trolled about it even today. After some other people made me very uncomfortable there with some rituals, we went inside onto the dais. 

The purohit's assistants held a white cloth up to obstruct my vision and gave me a mixture of Cumin and rice. I asked him what the whole thing was all about and he said that upon releasing the cloth whoever manages to put these on the other person's head first gets to take control in the marriage. I asked him "What if we both do it at the same time?" He said " I've never seen that happening in my life"  to which I replied " It's going to happen today and you'll tell your grand kids about it ". After giving so much of a build up to the scene, I don't think I need to tell what happened next.

After uttering some gibberish to which the purohit himself didn't know the meaning, it was time for the 3 knots. Strangely enough, the photographer was the only person who knew the meaning behind the knots. One dedicates a knot each to Brahma, Vishnu and Maheshwara. Though being an atheist, I was finally happy to know the meaning . As I went in to tie the knots, I told all the ladies around me to stand back and not do the usual  ನನ್ದೆಲಿಡ್ಲಿ  while tying the ತಾಳಿ . While I was tying the knots, I could hear the words "Oh Sh*t, oh Sh*t....." and I knew exactly who was saying it. As I looked around after this, I could see waterfalls in pretty much every direction. I was extremely surprised to see so many people shedding tears but couldn't control smiling at the myriad of emotions around me .Yes, lame jokes again came to my rescue and my FIL was the only person supporting me.

I was supposed to show my wifu a star in broad daylight outside (note that sun doesn't count) and I just showed her the large bee hive over our heads. What followed next was the boring ceremony of holding a coconut underneath a milk bucket till the cows came home. Must say, some oldies were very excited to splash the milk all over our hands and clothes. Luckily Mr and Mrs Spoke helped us to wrap it up. After an extremely tasty lunch, it was the moment that movies, serials and ads love. The actual departing scene which didn't really see any tears but just seconds later all those emotions bursted out on either side.

What followed this was a long, hardly any words spoken in the car, journey back to Bangalore. This is one of the very few regrets I have of the whole event. I could have surely done better to cheer my wifu's mood during the journey but I just didn't. Sigh.

After getting back home, we both headed to Leela Palace for the ahem ahem consummation. It was funny to see relatives wishing us "All the best" before leaving. I still think of that incident and laugh. OK I'm not even that drunk to go into details about what happened thereafter. 

Its been wonderful 3 parts even for me. Must say, the brain stores some intricate details even without your knowledge. I realized that while writing these 3 parts and reminiscing the moments. Hopefully, I'll come back to read this again in 40 years' time when my wifu changes the wifi password to our wedding date. 

P.S - Its 10th February 

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The Story Of 3 Knots - Part 2

Yes, small broke a coconut right at my feet and I jumped to avoid its pieces. The camera man took advantage of this situation and with some basic loop effects, made me look as if I jumped thrice. Whatay!!  

There were lot of new faces but the face I really wanted to see was busy getting ready. I've never understood the concept of 10+ men in the same room as the groom to get him ready. I badly wanted some space alone after an incident late previous night. Have to say, I did spend a considerable amount of time in getting my trident pocket square right. My grandpa was actually super excited to see me in that attire and I still remember him sitting on the bed with a walking stick and talking to me in Dr.House style.

I went to meet the bride and did she look pretty or what!! She looked so much more beautiful than I ever imagined her to look in that dress. We smiled a lot at each other, looked into each others' eyes and just like that exchanged lots of words even before speaking the first word.

I wasn't really a fan of these wedding photographers until I met this Choudhary and totally became his fan within his first few snaps. But then again, one of my favourite pics from that day has to be this.

                                    

As we both walked onto the stage, I could already see a sea of people queuing up and that I when we both realized that its going to be a long night. There were some genuine smiles and wishes, there were some fake smiles, there were also some "I don't know who you are, I'm here just for some free food" faces. The worst of them all were a couple of them who actually said "I wanted to get you married to my friend's daughter of the same caste, but now its ok. Congrats!!" Aaah , the one day I felt like really slapping someone after along time. However, my MIL had already kept a couple of Red Bulls behind me and they helped me to avert the ugly situations.

There were quite a few incidents that tried to alter both our moods, but then again my terrible jokes came in handy yet again to make sure that both of us kept a smile on till midnight. Choudhary even made me get down on my knee and propose "just for the photos" . It was that or Photoshop and I went for the manlier option.

It was finally time to sit down and have dinner. The food was amazingly tasty but both of us couldn't eat much just because the gastric juices had already slept off. I found the concept of asking the bride to stay back in the Choultry even though her house is just 2 minutes from the place a bit silly. I orchestrated a perfect escape and as a reader, you're probably one of the very few people to know about it even today. 

Some pesky relatives also wanted to do some idiotic ritual at 1:00 in the morning and I metaphorically showed them the finger and went to sleep. Batha and Bujji were there to accompany me and I realized that it was 4:00 in the morning and I still hadn't slept. Not because of any wedding jitters but because of those damn Red Bulls. It surely had given my eyes some wings. The unsynchronized snoring of two people also didn't help the cause. Couple more hours to wake up for the D-Day and I was still awake. 

To be continued...

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The Story Of 3 Knots - Part 1

The knots here don't refer to the speed metric but more precisely the 3 knots of my wedding. Even though its been more than a year since it happened, its better late than never to pen the memories before I say hello to Alzheimer's.

I landed in India exactly a week before the wedding while my then future wifu was already at home looking after the arrangements. As expected, she was there at the airport and though still jet lagged, we drove directly to Mysore for Bujji's engagement. It all looked like a teaser before the main thing a week later.

The bachelor party was quite different. Different because amidst all the booze and nutritious greens, none of us were high. I would like to blame it on spending the night in front of a 10 foot high bonfire.

The day before the reception was the day when I witnessed a miracle at home. About 50 women gathered delivering cliched dialogues and the roof didn't come down. Must say, the Harishina(turmeric) day is one day that many women look forward to most after their wedding days. I'd never seen such excitement and glow in some of their faces all my life. Seriously, even a rave party wouldn't see such natural highs. And all of this just to paint a poor old groom bright yellow. Sometimes to such an extent that even the melanin inside the skin would be shitting in its pants.

I've always hated the concept of  elderly people touching your feet. I made that quite clear before the ceremony that I wouldn't want anyone to touch my feet while smearing turmeric. While some were considerate, some smothered me in turmeric and  some menopausal aunties still managed to cop a feel of my feet. Ugggghhh.

After making a lot of women happy by sacrificing myself, it took a good couple of hours to get rid of the first coat of yellow. Quite a few women folk kept insisting that the yellow on my face should be prominent till the wedding day and I was very close to turning into Ravi Teja from Vikramarkudu.

Suspecting this outcome of the ceremony, I had booked an appointment in the parlour on the same evening. From a hair cut , it turned into a long process of regaining my original colour back and finally the yellow was out of my system.

The next day was a big day and I travelled to my favourite city, Mysore for the reception. Upon entering the choultry, everyone in my family were overwhelmed with the welcome party and I stood there with a turban on my head, garland around my neck and one coconut heading right at me........to be continued

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Season 2

Its been more than 15 months since I last posted on this blog. I've no silly excuses and no serious reasons also. I think its like one of those situations where a crocodile swallows huge rocks and just settles down at the bottom of the water body.

Yeah !!! You can say that I've become crocodile like but still haven't managed to eat one though. While I was on this self imposed exile, lots of things happened in my life. For starters, I got married to the love of my life. Gained quite a few extra pounds (nothing new there).  Also quite importantly, blogger has changed so much that for a few minutes I was as confused as a toddler left alone in an amusement park.

Honestly speaking, I've missed writing. While there were a few people who did ask me why I had stopped writing, I have no answers and am very humbled that I was missed. I think Twitter proved to be a "Petromax" while I was skiving away from my loyal and faithful blog.

There are so many things to talk about and sleep upon and I intend to keep the posts coming at regular intervals from now on.

Till next time, Adios !!!

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Happy Birthday Magane

Over the last year, this blog has acted like my lover, companion and even as a wing man at times and has turned out to be a part of my family. (Crap. I know that line was a bit lame) . Nevertheless its been exactly a year since I started it and gives me immense pleasure to thank everyone who criticized, supported and at times even promoted it.

ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು  ಹಾಗು  ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗು  ಧನ್ಯವಾದಗಳು  :)

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Corrupt - Shun

Its one of those rare times when something other than cricket has taken precedence in Indian media. I think it can be safe to say that this time, Anna Hazare stole even the Independence Day's thunder. With due fairness, he kinda deserved it. After all these years, it was known to be a national holiday where people are forced to attend flag hoisting events, sing a few songs and distribute sweets.

Its nice to see people from all walks of life uniting for a cause. Even the dabbawalas of Mumbai stopped their operations for a day to show their support, the first time these guys have bunked work in 120 years. Its even nice to see people in other countries as well involving themselves and atleast spreading the message.

The fight against corruption has surely united the country and one probably gets a glimpse of what the freedom struggle might have look like. While the whole Annagiri and a strong Lokpal Bill might be the right weapons to fight corruption, they might not just be right for this moment. I'm not being cynical or pessimistic but we all know the root cause of this problem.

Its always very easy to blame the government and the politicians for everything, even though I must admit this time someone really has to put the 'Man' into 'Mohan' and make him a real Singh. The solution to eradicate corruption isn't a bill or a protest. For all we know it looks like a huge tangled fur ball and we are of the illusion that pulling the two ends with a bill and a protest will solve the issue. As citizens, each and everyone of us have found ourselves atleast once among this food chain of corruption.

The reason why corruption exists in such a huge proportion is because whether you accept it or not, in many cases it becomes a necessity and more often than not makes matters easy for all the parties involved. Why do we pay 50 bucks to the PC and avoid a Rs.300 fine for driving without a licence. For once, you would like to get away by paying less and the less paid constable wouldn't mind some pocket money.  Put yourself into the PC's position. The guy probably has a family and has to take care of his kids' needs but is paid a meager 5k per month. So does he have any other option? The solution lies not in just education but in bringing about the right economic reforms. Bump up their pay-scales to a respectable number, something on par with what is paid for freshers in private firms and then see the difference. The necessity to put the hand under the table will be eradicated. But the again, I've also seen people earning 6 figure salaries every month resorting to cheap antics like the one mentioned above which talks a lot about filthy people trying to remove filth. 

All I want to insist is that the change must come from within. Once the big fishes are devoid of  small fishes to feed on, a shift in the chain will take place. Stop bribing the agents to get your passport or licence done and please stop bribing the poojary to get a better glimpse of a stone structure.

P.S - I'm off to the Oval to hopefully witness the 100th 100 and have those "I was there" moments.

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London Bangalored

The blog has been dead for quite sometime now. All thanks to the terrible service of my broadband partner Virgin Media and mobile partner Three and not to forget my fake laptop charger which finally gave up amidst the numerous twists and cuts and even sparks at times.

But then again I have to blame my lazy ass as well. I'm still going through the honeymoon period in my new job and I still get back home before the sun sets(which may not well be the right measure to use in this season). So far so good and I'm still carrying my own lunch and still haven't metamorphosized into one of those stereotypical health conscious people running to Sainsbury's or Tesco to grab lunch or just feasting on salads to stay fit.

Aha. Now why did I actually bring up the topic of fitness. I have about 6 months to go to do something about it. I sure can't adopt the above method. Something hardcore and old school, like.......hmmmmm...lets c...Yoga?? Naaa. Not my kind...Classical Dance??? Noooo way..Watching all of that "Underworld Flashback" on Suvarna has made me think about "Gardi" as well. In fact that is the perfect option, but where can I find one here. Damnn..Just when I finally make up my mind, the universe deceives me. Never mind. Dieting is still not an option and abstinence from meat will never even have the balls to even crop up on the list. So that leaves me with running. Should ask silent to gift me a pair of running shoes. After all I'll not be only person admiring the fit new me!!!

London might be well known for Buckingham palace or Tower Bridge or Big Ben or London Eye or even for its bad weather, which in my position, using theory of relativity doesn't really seem that bad. But for me its the tube system that astonishes me everyday and have become an ardent admirer of the way it functions. The first underground tube started in London more than 100 years ago and we are still in the process of erecting pillars in Bengaluru. I honestly hope everything goes well with "namma metro" and that it becomes a pride of the city.

Meanwhile I see striking similarities between London and Bengaluru. For starters, both the cities are heavily populated and the local population is a major minority. The no of desis in London are proportional to the comrades from up north residing in Bengaluru. The number of Polish and other European people are proportional to the thambis and annayas in Bengaluru. Just like its hard to hear any Kannada in garden city, its actually quite hard to listen to a proper Londoner's English anywhere. Sounds crazy but its actually true.

Nevertheless its quite ironical to celebrate Independence day from the land of the people from whom we actually took it. So happy Independence Day to everyone for being independent about something and for planning to become independent in atleast one more thing.

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House Hunting - London

I have just realized that this is going to be my last post from the land of the Scotch. The fact that these are the slog overs hasn't really sunk in. Speaking if which, I should really start my packing. Have been procrastinating about it for quite a few days now. I still remember the day I was woken up by a call from my future employer offering me a job. Well, in another week's time I should refer to them as my current employer. OK, enough of the unwanted blabber.

A couple of friends had told me their stories about finding a house in London, some taking weeks and some even months. Against all those words of wisdom, I booked an overnight bus to London last week and hoped my stay in London wouldn't last for more than 2 days. I hate bus journeys as I always end up with with a bad back and a sore neck along at the end of a sleepless night. Just when I thought my frequent travel from Glasgow to Edinburgh had seasoned me for this ultimate test, I didn't take much time to realize that I had overestimated by abilities. 

Turned my lappy on and watched a movie called as Buried. The whole movie is shot inside a coffin and as if the seats and the cramped space weren't making me feel claustrophobic enough, the movie surely pushed it. Its almost 2 AM and the driver has made a routine stop. An old lady sitting right behind me starts fiddling with a highly noisy packet of crisps. She finally opens it and slowly takes a bite of one of those crispy stuffs. And this happens over and over again for about half an hour. The high pitched crunchy sound has already irritated me to the core. I somehow try to go back to sleep and have already started dreaming about all possible torture movies and with the old lady playing an important role in all of them. Damnnnnn.

Its almost 4AM now and I realize that the people sitting in front of me haven't switched their lights off. I peep and see two hot girls busy reading and engrossed in some magazine. A closer look reveals that the magazine is some kind of kinky sex magazine full of BDSM stuff. Well I can surely understand people having a fetish for it but I couldn't imagine that happening throughout the night and that too in a bus where all you can hear are variety of snores and disgusting farts. Oh crap, can't even open the windows here.

I finally reach London and it feels worse than a bad hangover. I head off to view a few places. By afternoon I've already started pitying some of the places that I've seen. Some of the studios are hardly 8 X 10 and everything including a bed, kitchen and a bathroom are cramped into that space. I'm in no way trying to act cheap but all these places cost around 700 quid a month excluding bills and taxes. I have no idea why people don't give a shit about the place where you shit in this country. Many houses have shared bathrooms and some of the private ones make the shit retract itself into your body.

The story continues into the second day and I finally find a house with a decent sized living room and a bedroom and a private bathroom with a separate kitchen. But the problem is, its unfurnished but then again after the places I've seen for the past 2 days, this house feels like a luxury suite. With just about 6 months to go for me to enter a new phase in my life, I could see this place working for us in the long term. Even though its a bit hot on my wallet, I can surely look beyond that. Paid the holding deposit and now its just some formalities to get over with.

P.S : I'm surely going to miss Glasgow and the whole of Scotland but just like Arny says, "I'll be back".

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Movie Reviews - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Its been a while since I wrote a review for a Bollywood movie. But inspite of the thunder and lightning here in Glasgow today, I went out for Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and guess the name and message of the movie itself deserved a review.

In a simple sense, the movie had traces of Dil Chahta Hai but definitely filled with loads of fresh ideas and tomatoes. It sure is a desi version of the Hangover but totally unlike it, so I guess its safe to say that the movie has found a sweet spot between DCH and Hangover. But when you think of it, its actually hard to imagine such a combination.

The movie is all about 3 friends and a 3 week long bachelors' party in Spain. Its filled with the usual fun and games with expected fights and "hug and make up" between friends. I personally felt that Farhan Akhtar's acting was the best of the lot and Kat looks her glamorous best in the movie. But a special mention has to go out to the mind boggling camera work and the selection of locations. These are the two things that add a whole new dimension to the movie.

I wonder why nobody had thought of Spain earlier. Its always Amsterdam or London or handful of other European destinations usually. Ever since my dissertation on product placements, I watch movies from a different perspective. Its usually quite easy to spot those blatant placements in Hollywood movies but ZNMD scores well here also. Hrithik has done justice endorsing John Players. If JP hasn't already started a special ZNMD range, then they are surely missing out on a trick.

Along with John Players, Mountain Dew has been forced into a couple of scenes. But I guess its a safe pardon when you consider the freebies or financial support a brand provides a movie. Abhay Deol's character could have probably been played by any actor, so nothing special there but he actually holds the other characters together. 

The 3 adventure sports chosen for the movie are perfect and the final one places the icing on the cake even though the last scene is the only scene that has been made very "filmy".  Bhag D.K. Bose would have been a tailor made song for this scene. The movie gets a negative mark for using a stunt woman who doesn't resemble Kat at all. For some reason I feel that Farhan actually performed his own stunts with sky diving. 

The soundtracks are brilliant so some new ear worms for me. I would totally recommend this movie to anyone who wants to enjoy a feel good bollywood movie without much of unwanted masala.

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Sreesanth Upset About His Name "Appam Chutiya" Not Used As A Song #FakingNews

It started with Kaminey, Saale and the baton is currently with Bose D.K. Going by this trend, the next logical word has to be Gandu. Oh wait, there is already a movie by this name expected to release this year. 

If the same algorithm is applied to Kannada movies, we can can expect the trend to start with atleast Boli Maga. Thinking about it now I realize that all the major flavorsome words have already been used by our very own Sai Kumar, ShivRaj Kumar, Upendra and co in their movies but none of them have used them in any of the songs like their big brother Bollywood has done.

Coming to the main story of the day, our very own Sreesanth has burst out in flames after cheta Priyadarshan declined his offer to include Sreesanth's name in one of the songs for his next flick. It was a regular Monday morning and Sreesanth had applied a good load of coconut oil and headed off into the woods to dispose some natural waste. As he was busy polishing off his duties while listening to Bhag D.K Bose on his iPod, Sreesanth got this "Eureka" like idea to  cast his name in a movie song. 

He kissed his chains, calmed himself until everything dried out and held his chest upright and started his run up. Only this time, he wasn't put away but a batsman but was so by Priyadarshan's watchman. The watchman even called the nearest asylum to book a case of an eloping patient after seeing Sreesanth's orange hair and Jogi like appearance. Sreesanth finally had to do his jig and crate a tantrum by slamming the ground and throwing mud in the air to convince him that he was infact the cricketer Sreesanth.

After all of this unscripted drama, cricketer Sreesanth finally met Priyadarshan and told him about his "Eureka" idea. He explained how the fake IPL player christened him with the name "Appam Chutiya" and how that name can finally be made to sound nice. Sree had also thought about the lyrics of the song and said it goes something like this.

" Take me to the cleaners,

   Whack me all over the park,

   Slap me baby one more time,

   Kuch bhi karo, main phir bhi hoon Appam Chutiya"  

Priyadarshan couldn't help but remind Sree what Neha Dhupiya had said long back "In India, only sex and SRK sell." Pri added one more S to it saying, "In India, only sex, SRK and Samskruta sell. If at all I want the mallu effect in my movies, I'll be more than happy to cast the pride of Kerala, Shakeela and not you". 

Sree was visibly very upset with this and he finally did a booty shake to show his disappointment. As a last resort, he has decided to prove to the MTV guys that he is a true roadie and hence approached them with a new idea for the next season of Roadies, after all even the kitchen sink wasn't good enough to increase the TRPs. Sree's proposal mainly involves replacing Raghu with himself in both auditions and the show to bring the "unpredictability" factor back into the show.

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Sachin, Federer at Wimbledon #FakingNews

Looks like Wimbledon is back to its original charm with bad weather, first week upsets and star studded crowd. However, last week everyone's attention was drawn to this one of a kind meet between two legends namely Roger Federer and Sachin Tendulkar. It was a time when one GOAT met another GOAT on a lush green surface. GOAT here refers to Greatest Of All Times. While Sachin surely proclaimed that Roger knows a lot about cricket, what could they have possibly talked about for an hour. This is a PARODY of the possible conversation.

ST: Aila, Roger you were just fantastic. That looked like a easy win.

RF: Naah Sachin, every match is tough and you cant underestimate your opponent(the usual diplomatic, humble answer)

ST: I have been a great fan of your game and I really hope you win Wimbledon this time.

RF: Well, in that case you can do me a favor by square cutting Nadal. Hez staying at the Hilton, room 33(Giggle Giggle).

ST: I guess if you concentrate less on those Gillette ads, you'll surely not need my help.

RF: Pssst. Don't tell anyone. With the kind of form I'm currently in, my Gillette sponsorship is the only thing feeding me, my wife, my twins and my cow. 

RF: BTW, now that you have lost out on MRF, shall I fix you up with these guys?

ST: Actually I wouldn't mind it. I just sold my Ferrari and I'm even taking a loan to buy a new flat. I can surely do with some sponsorship.

ST: I too want some viral videos like yours. Would like to have a video in which I hit a six which will knock an Apple off Ambani's head.

RF: Anil or Nita? I would seriously recommend one of their sons. If something goes wrong, atleast some dead weight is put to rest.

ST: Ha Ha. We call it as "Dharti Pe Bhoj". I've actually tried doing it a couple of times but in vain.

RF: No wonder you ended up with a tennis elbow. You have to leave it to the experts like me :) (**Sarcasm**)

                    

It starts raining yet again in London.

ST: (Sensing the opportunity to change the topic) Typical London weather isn't it. Hope you slide through to the finals. 

RF: Hope I can put one more Wimbledon in my kitty. I can then concentrate on my retirement fund.  

RF: If I win this one, I'll stay back in London and cheer for you to get your 100th 100.

ST: Oh yeah. I really want to dedicate it to Sai Baba.

RF: Why don't you dedicate  it to me and I'll dedicate this Wimbledon win( or runner up tittle)  to you.

ST: RF, if you can get me a Gillette sponsorship then I'll hold my end of the deal. Frankly speaking, the odds of you still having the Gillette sponsorship is better than, ahem ahem....beating Nadal.

RF:(Hmmm.. Tit for Tat eh) Why don't you like my fan page on Facebook and write on my wall and we can discuss about it.

ST: Sure why not, follow me on Twitter and I'll DM you soon.

While this post was not intended to disrespect any of these legends, it was just my lame attempt at some parody. Its probably one of those things that sound better in your head than on paper. Just for the record, I so hope Sachin gets his 100th hundred and Roger equals Sampras's record of 7 Wimbledon titles this year.

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Yeddy, the Clown, the Comedian, (-) the CM

Staying overseas, I think its safe to say that the social networking sites have helped me to keep myself abreast with everything happening back home. Most of the times, a gentle glance at my Twitter stream is as good as reading newspaper headlines. Yes, a Twitter addiction actually helps. 

Amidst all the fast till death and cricket, the political drama has actually been quite amusing to follow. I've never been a fan about politics and would always have a grumpy face whenever my dad or grandpa tuned into news channels every hour. In fact, they should probably get smart phones and start tweeting.

The political drama in Karnataka is definitely more entertaining than any of the states. People might argue that TN has always been on top, but then again it features the same old star cast, with the same story line and with the same ending. It sure is too predictable. The reason why Karnataka produced a blockbuster this time is because of the awesome character of Yeddy. Ever since he was sworn in, we have seen more drama than a reality show with all possible twists. Makers like Raghu , Rajiv and co should surely hook up with Yeddy sometime for inspiration.

I still remember during his beginning days, Yeddy was actually urging people to stop drinking alcohol and instead start drinking milk. Well, that was how he actually justified the rise in milk prices. Imagine that situation in which a bunch of guys decide to go to their favorite hang out place or a friend's place to party and you have all the usual sides, but see people saying "maga 60 semi skimmed hako", to which the other guy would reply "lo, sukka hodibeda. Atleast fully skimmed hodi".

When Yeddy started spending more time claiming his strength in front of the governor  rather in front of his wife, it was clear to even a layman that his attempts were lame. It was clear that he was struggling to build a majority and instead of doing something about it, what does he do? He strips down and starts doing naked suryanamaskars on the banks of river Cauvery.  Just when you thought it can't get more hilarious than this, surprise surprise. Yeddy pulls another trick out of his hat.

This happened just last week when Yeddy wrote an open letter to HDK and published it in the newspapers. In simple words, the letter challenged HDK to swear infront on Lord Manjunatheshwara in Dharmasthala that there was truth behind his allegations. It so reminded me of school kids challenging each other using mother promise or father promise, only in this case it was "God Promise". Amidst all this drama, whenever you see Yeddy and his men, you'll always see them posing to the camera with a victory sign. I'm so sure atleast 90% of them don't even have an idea of what it is and when it is to be used.

With everything said an done, I really want Yeddy to stay put and entertain us with his antics day in day out. After all people like George W Bush and Yeddy are rare and one has to make the best use out of them. Comedians like these don't crop up every other day.

P.S - Hope to wake up tomorrow and see another "Yeddy" in my Twitter stream.

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A for Anna, B for Baba, C for Corruption

Over the last couple of months or so, it seems like everyone has developed a taste for the fight against corruption or thats what its been portrayed as. Suddenly, put-on accent, tattoos, piercings, smoking Rajini style, guzzling ten beers and still saying "I'm stable" and even going vegan aren't the cool things to do. While the fight for environment still seems to be the ever green trend, Google trends and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook are quick to mirror that fact that everyone seems to be trying to act cool, by saying no to corruption.

Anna Hazare started it right after India won the WorldCup and planned it right in the gap before the start of IPL 4. Well I'm not going to talk about the credibility of his motives or actions as he looked like a nice guy who didn't look for any funding and had a clear set agenda. Fair enough. While his efforts were commendable, there were lots of others who were looking to use that incident as a springboard. One of them was Baba Ramdev. 

With the IPL 4 also ending, and with a confirmed fact that nobody is going to watch the Ind WI series, there was no doubt that it was the perfect time for Ramdev's to do a Poonam Pandey i.e grab attention.  Before I actually dwell into his recent attention seeking acts, let me just shed some light on what everyone knew about him till then. He was a dude who taught Yoga and as a result of which influenced a lot of people. As a result of this I was forced by my parents to to Kapalbhati and his other asanas which MS Word doesn't recognize. While it didn't last long enough, I still give him some brownie points for promoting the brand Yoga in India.

I had seen one of his shows where some people pick up the mikes and start talking about how Ramdev's Yoga changed their lives and all that crap. OK, that was his way of promoting the classes and shows and is still fair enough. For a guy who didn't want to get laid, this was probably his way of finding a release point. Next he went on the record, saying his yoga will cure cancer and AIDS and said that sex education should be replaced by yoga. As long as he taught Kama Sutra, I really didn't have any problem with that!!! Recently, he even said that homosexuals are sick people and should be sent to the hospitals for treatment. Somewhere in this statement I felt that he was trying to come out of the closet indirectly. For a guy who has hair which would cause envy to any woman, wore a sleeveless saree all the time and who openly said that he didn't want to sleep with a woman, that statement sure looked like an expression of jubilation while still hiding behind the hypocrite mask. I even got to know that he owns an island in Scotland. I so want to visit that place to see if there is any leather shop selling ahem..,ahem.., toys in his name!!!

He started off his fast by saying its going to last for about 14 hours. My granny still goes on day long fasts on some days to impress the god and the media hyped Ramdev so much for a 14 hour fast. Guess you can go on for more than that without any media attention if you have a bad hangover. The news channels like always were providing Ramdev's pulse rate as breaking news every minute. With due respect, who is really bothered about all of this? It was crystal clear that Ramdev's fast was more of a political charade and TRP for media than the fight against corruption. So his demand was to bring all the black money from swizz bank to India. OK, what next? I'm sure he would have wanted a piece of that cake as well with his current assets legally valued more than 1,100 crores.

With everything said and done he broke his fast day before yesterday and I'm sure will be ready to hog like a pig today. The moral of the story is don't bite off more than you can chew. I really don't think general public backed his movement and had any faith in him and his motives. Guess that was the difference between Anna and Baba. The former's thoughts were put into action by the public and the latter's put into action only by the political parties. On an objective level, guess it was a move by BJP to get back into power next time around just like Osama's fake killing to help Obama run for another term. Its high time people stopped believing all these babas and so called godmen.

P.S - Doesn't a fast till death, count as an attempt to commit suicide? In that case shouldn't that person be arrested immediately?

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Movie Reviews - Hangover 2

The last one week has been very weird in terms of my choice of watching movies. While a side of me was screaming "ನಾನು ಕನ್ನಡಿಗ " , the other was just exploring the unsung heroes of Sandalwood.  No doubt some of the movies were utter "shite" , but there were a couple of them which though were shot in a full on serious tone, made me LOL. If at all you want a taste of this, I would recommend watching Sai Kumar's Police Story I and II and Thriller Manju's Jackie Chan. I'm sure this post would prop up in Google searches after a few days, if someone typed "Jackie Chan's Police Story", and would get a kick on the backside for relevance. 

While most of us would actually find Sai Kumar's acting funny and entertaining, he is unmatched when it comes to dialogues. For a person to maintain the same level of intensity and passion on screen throughout the movie is actually commendable. Amidst all these movies and many more which were utter crap, I happened to watch Hangover-2.

Its one of those sequels that actually complement the original. The story line is very similar to the first part and for all entertaining reasons, the plot gets even more twisted. I'm not going to act like a spoilsport and reveal the story here but just going to graze through some of the highlights.

Bradley Cooper has done justice to his role along with Ed Helms playing the usual guy who has a secret affinity towards hookers and in this case, gets a bigger package than expected. If you love Zach Galifianakis, then you'll love him even more but then again I feel his role was a bit overshadowed by others in this part. Ken Jeong who plays Mr.Chow surprisingly has a lion's share of on-screen time considering his "tiny package" as its shown in the beginning of the movie.

No baby with shades this time and instead gets better with a pot smoking monkey. If at all you have little kids then please do take them to the movie as the'll get a whole new lesson on human anatomy , courtesy ladyboys of Thailand. This way, they can ask numerous doubts to their teachers. If at all the lady teachers are anything like we had in Sadvidya who even feel shy to talk about 9th std human reproduction system chapter, then the'll probably have a pretty tough time. If you are trying to hook up with a girl, then she'll probably see the movie as your attempt to take things a few steps higher on a single day and might not be the best option. Even though its a movie to be enjoyed with a bunch of guys, I'm sure you can enjoy it with your girlfriend as well.

On the whole I give it a 4/5 . Like always, the segment in the end showing all the pics is probably the icing on the cake. If they maintain the standards, the Hangover can well go upto parts 4 or 5 and still be grossly funny. In fact I hope it happens, just like the American Pie series.

P.S - I still feel that Zach Galifianakis was funnier in the movie Due Date.

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