All the Action from the Auction

This mid week post comes as a result of a special request and an unlikely number of 'Like's, which is always a pleasant surprise. I'll cut to the chase so that I have enough ink to write this sequel to Lights Camera Auction.

KKR's strategy just blew open the numerous controversies that engulfed them over the past 3 years. People who had any doubts in the fake IPL player's memoirs can now be as sure as the relationship between SRK and Karan Johar. The team looks good with some costly buys but for the kind of squirmish kid Gambhir is, he is sure to say, "These are my stumps, bat and ball. I'll not play if I'm not made the captain". One can surely see a Ganguly in him and KKR's troubles have only found version 2.0 with still no proper exception handling done on the Team_Owner(). 

RCB's strategy has always been to find the most trending chick of Bollywood, dress her up in red and make her walk the ramp. Ooops....wait...think thats only for the IPL nights after party. Even though I would have preferred to see the likes of Dravid, Kallis and Rossy once again, I'm happy that there is no more Vinay Kumar. I'm sure Kaif will do his best to make matters worse for the team, but Kaif only bats and fields(getting drinks doesn't count). So Kaif : 2, VK :3. Kaif wins the dual with a vital ability of not having the ability to bowl.

KXIP's only strategy was to remove all the man boobs from the team. VRV Singh was the catalyst and he successfully induced the same into their already double chinned captain. By the time the management realized this, the cancer had reached its final stage and any number of hugs from Preity could not cure the losing streak disease. Their selection looks decent but spending nearly $1 million on Piyush Chawla can only be attributed to Preity's fetish to cuddle up against someone of her own height.

DC was highly influenced by its Hyderabadi cuisine and decided they really need to have some meat in their line up. Thus they opted for Lumb Biriyani. But it was surprising to see them going for something Rusty when they already had a Gony bag with a White Steyn on it. One can only hope that there is Ishant in the team if at all Telangana becomes a new state.

MI looks like a team with a Blizzard like destruction in them. They made some very intelligent buys and Davy Jacobs seems to be the best buy. With Bhajji and Symo in the same team, either Bhajji has to stop saying "Maa-ki" or Symo has to stop hearing it as "Monkey". They have god on their side and he seems to be in a good form as well. Would definitely love to see Nita Ambani coming out of the closet, that is with a new pair of clothes.

CSK is one team that reminded me of the classic romantic Hindi movies. Their motto was to not let go of any of their old players even if they have to cross seven seas or run out of budget or even if the cement company goes bankrupt. But as of now, the bond looks as strong as India Cements and if at all they had included The Wall, that would have been the perfect icing.

RR is one team that is surely going to attract a lot of attention. Not because of the players picked and not even because of its owners. Who said Share Warne was a former player? Once a player, always a player and he continues to score a lot off field. Very soon RR will receive royalty  from an iPhone game called "Warne's Flip-Her". The game will keep popping random household things and you have to answer whether Warne has already humped that object in his real life or not. The objects can be as simple as a bowling ball to a HB pencil. The highest scorer gets access to a random video of Warne flipping someone.

PW has been maintaining a rather low profile ever since its conception. The team looks rather inexperienced but they have one weapon which no other team has. The ever so destructive Nehra. Many batsmen have reportedly crapped in their pants after seeing Nehra's insanely wide, protruding and yellow teeth in his delivery stride. Some, in order to avoid public humiliation, give away their wicket to him. As a result of these, Lionsgate has requested Nehra's permission to use his face in Saw's next edition. 

Kochi has already started entertaining their fans even before the start of IPL. By opening with a joke, or should I say a flurry of jokes, one thing is guaranteed and that is entertainment. By picking all the unwanted players from other teams, there is no doubt that the ones performing will be Shakeela, Reshma or Devika. After all, the new coconut pickers have their work cut out and only after they get their daily wages, will they be allowed to go onto the field. The shine on the ball is bound to stay on for the full 20 overs, all thanks to the coconut oil applied to the hair.

P.S - This post was not intended to hurt the feelings of any Mallu, whether in Kerala, Dubai or UK and was solely targeted at the iconic Mallu, Sreesanth.

P.P.S - I have great respect for Shakeela as a comedian. 

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Journey from GMT + 1:00 to GMT + 5:30

I woke up at around 9:00AM on Monday which was pretty early for my standards. It was a very gloomy day and as I got ready to do some last minute packing, I ended up packing the dude's brush instead of mine. Soon I was reminded of the fact that my toiletries kit contained this foreign object and had to return it to him before we ended up sharing germs. I reached the airport well before time and I had a big bag to check in followed by a small cabin bag and a laptop bag. One of those average looking females employed by Emirates were stubborn on not letting me carry 2 bags inside their so called ultra modern flight. My flirting skills too didn't help me much and I realized that those days were long gone and I was getting old. I had to make some adjustments urgently and ended up somehow shoving my laptop bag into the check-in bag. I luckily took out the camera from the bag, just in case (my bad memory came good on those one off occasions).

It was a 7 hour journey to Dubai and I was travelling alone. Luckily I met my old friend Jack Daniels on the way and he kept me entertained for the rest of the journey. He in fact entertained me so much that I actually don't remember anything after the first 20 minutes of Iron man 2. But after this, I decided to give a call to my old buddy, Budweiser and little did I know that him and Jack were not on good terms. Bud got a bit too jealous of Jack and it ended up in me visiting the 2 feet by 2 feet toilet many times. None of these 2 guys helped me in getting any sleep and I tried to kill time by peeking into my neighbour's screen. By the time I realized that I was watching a boring family drama, it was time to land. 

The huge Dubai airport was very crowded and I was standing in the queue for my security check. I tried to catch a glimpse of a guy few feet in front of me who looked the owner of CSK. After somehow convincing myself that it was not him, I looked back to see the almost all the stars of CSK at the back of the line. Even though all of them were wearing those flashy yellow t-shirts, Raina stood out in the crowd. He was not only wearing a purple t-shirt on top of the yellow one but also had flip flops which were of fluorescent green and yellow in color. There was no doubt that Raina had become the adopted son of Chennai. As I finished my security check, I was waiting for these players to finish theirs, so that I could say "ssssup". Surprisingly none of these players were in demand and people hardly took notice of them. All of these players were in a hurry and I caught hold of the adopted son for a snap. MSD looked as cool as ever, and his pretty wife started nagging that it was getting late as soon as me and another guy caught him for a snap. I did a dumb mistake of calling Mr.Cricket as David, and the guy got very irritated and left and thus I missed a golden opportunity. Vijay not only had a spring in his stride while walking but also looked like a guy having a spring in his neck. It was very easy to see that he was still on a high after so many awards and would have probably started flying all over the airport if not for the ever smiling Balaji trying to hold him to ground level. All of these guys were moving around in pairs and holding hands. Dhoni with his obvious  price catch buying some X-Box games, Raina with Tyagi (who was as tall as Venkatesh Prasad), feeling Vijay with smiling Balaji and Jakati with the world cup hero Joginder. As I hopped from store to store to do some duty free shopping, I spotted Badrinath buying toys for someone. The guy was friendly to talk to and had a small chat with him. 

As I boarded my next flight to Bengaluru, It reminded me of a NTSE lecturer who taught Geography ( it would be great if someone reminded me his name). All those hours that were gained last year while travelling to Glasgow, I started to lose them now as I was making my way back. One of the best parts about the journey was I got to see the gradual changes in the color over the horizon that take place during a sunrise. I was lucky enough to see this phenomenon which can be observed at only that altitude. Even though I took a lot of pics of this nature's beauty, none of them did any justice to it and unfortunately I did not have a SLR to make it look better than it was. 

It was nice to hear the chirping of birds inside the Bengaluru airport and I was finally happy to experience some really warm weather. I woke up very early today at 6:00AM and thought I'll kill some time till the breakfast gets ready. I now head off to stuff my tummy with some ರೊಟ್ಟಿ and ಎಣ್ಣೆಗಾಯಿ as I leave this post in all you readers' mercy.

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