Sreesanth Upset About His Name "Appam Chutiya" Not Used As A Song #FakingNews

It started with Kaminey, Saale and the baton is currently with Bose D.K. Going by this trend, the next logical word has to be Gandu. Oh wait, there is already a movie by this name expected to release this year. 

If the same algorithm is applied to Kannada movies, we can can expect the trend to start with atleast Boli Maga. Thinking about it now I realize that all the major flavorsome words have already been used by our very own Sai Kumar, ShivRaj Kumar, Upendra and co in their movies but none of them have used them in any of the songs like their big brother Bollywood has done.

Coming to the main story of the day, our very own Sreesanth has burst out in flames after cheta Priyadarshan declined his offer to include Sreesanth's name in one of the songs for his next flick. It was a regular Monday morning and Sreesanth had applied a good load of coconut oil and headed off into the woods to dispose some natural waste. As he was busy polishing off his duties while listening to Bhag D.K Bose on his iPod, Sreesanth got this "Eureka" like idea to  cast his name in a movie song. 

He kissed his chains, calmed himself until everything dried out and held his chest upright and started his run up. Only this time, he wasn't put away but a batsman but was so by Priyadarshan's watchman. The watchman even called the nearest asylum to book a case of an eloping patient after seeing Sreesanth's orange hair and Jogi like appearance. Sreesanth finally had to do his jig and crate a tantrum by slamming the ground and throwing mud in the air to convince him that he was infact the cricketer Sreesanth.

After all of this unscripted drama, cricketer Sreesanth finally met Priyadarshan and told him about his "Eureka" idea. He explained how the fake IPL player christened him with the name "Appam Chutiya" and how that name can finally be made to sound nice. Sree had also thought about the lyrics of the song and said it goes something like this.

" Take me to the cleaners,

   Whack me all over the park,

   Slap me baby one more time,

   Kuch bhi karo, main phir bhi hoon Appam Chutiya"  

Priyadarshan couldn't help but remind Sree what Neha Dhupiya had said long back "In India, only sex and SRK sell." Pri added one more S to it saying, "In India, only sex, SRK and Samskruta sell. If at all I want the mallu effect in my movies, I'll be more than happy to cast the pride of Kerala, Shakeela and not you". 

Sree was visibly very upset with this and he finally did a booty shake to show his disappointment. As a last resort, he has decided to prove to the MTV guys that he is a true roadie and hence approached them with a new idea for the next season of Roadies, after all even the kitchen sink wasn't good enough to increase the TRPs. Sree's proposal mainly involves replacing Raghu with himself in both auditions and the show to bring the "unpredictability" factor back into the show.

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The Highs and Lows of IPL

Its been 10 days since the 4th installment of the highly popular yet controversial IPL got underway. While there are a lot of cynics out there who claim that the IPL has everything but cricket, I beg to differ. The simple fact being, if it wasn't for cricket and the juicy T20 format, a concept like IPL would have never kicked off in the first place. While there is always a possibility of the side dishes overshadowing the flavors of the main course, it is impossible for anyone to savor only the sides and totally exclude the main course.

I have been wanting to write about this man for a long time. Hats off to Lalit Modi for the inception and execution of such a great idea. Frankly speaking, I was a bit doubtful about his ability to single handedly make it a success. But I developed great respect for Mr.Modi when he yet again single handedly shifted the IPL from India to South Africa under a month. Modi had his duly wise men to advise him but I guess a lot of other crabs in the BCCI couldn't stand him raising the bat with each edition of the IPL.

Of course there is a lot of commercialization and that is obviously expected as at the end of the day, its a business. Franchises have invested a lot of moolah and they intend to make profits out of it and if cricket is the way, then let be it. Lots of MNCs are doing the same with software professionals but nobody is complaining. Right!!! I'm a hardcore RCBian and I watch it only for the cricket and once in a way wouldn't mind seeing hot "talented"(yes, it takes a lot of hardwork and talent) girls shaking their booty but never the other way around. I honestly don't believe that anyone for that matter watches the IPL only for the cheerleaders. If people are so desperate to see some skin, I guess there are lots of other ways which yield more skin and bodily fluids per viewing minutes.

While the 3rd edition of IPL ended on a very controversial note, let us have a look whether there is any drastic improvement in the quality the event. For starters, the opening ceremony actually looked like one of those acts that you would probably have in your wedding. Hardly any known names or classy and memorable acts albeit SRK(who would have done it for free anyways). So there is something literally "cheap" about it. Moving on, Max has stuck to two dudes and an on field bimbo (cheap). The forte of studio guests include Sidhu, ArunLOL, Gavaskar (Jr) and Jayasuriya(pity). So there is the "cheap" factor once again. There are only 3 commentators per match(logistics and "cheap" factor). The TV channels are doing a wonderful job in not showing the empty stands and zooming in on handful of the artificially enthusiastic fans.

The BCCI actually did another "cheap" act by assuming that the WorldCup win would automatically fill up the stands and thus spent a meager amount on promoting the IPL. Not even once have I seen any of the team anthems or videos this time and I'm sure the hoardings and other outdoor advertising also has been limited. Chirayu Amin's dressing and attitude was like a humdinger for the quality of IPL. At the end of the day the only thing I can say is that Mr.Lalit Modi you are being missed dearly. We miss the class and style that you brought to the IPL. While I so want you to come back and take control, I know its not going to happen and I can only see the start of the IPL downfall.

P.S - Dear Vettori, please stop sending tailenders up the order as pinch hitters. Gone are those days during 1990s when Srinath was the trump card. Please get the batting order right. 

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All the Action from the Auction

This mid week post comes as a result of a special request and an unlikely number of 'Like's, which is always a pleasant surprise. I'll cut to the chase so that I have enough ink to write this sequel to Lights Camera Auction.

KKR's strategy just blew open the numerous controversies that engulfed them over the past 3 years. People who had any doubts in the fake IPL player's memoirs can now be as sure as the relationship between SRK and Karan Johar. The team looks good with some costly buys but for the kind of squirmish kid Gambhir is, he is sure to say, "These are my stumps, bat and ball. I'll not play if I'm not made the captain". One can surely see a Ganguly in him and KKR's troubles have only found version 2.0 with still no proper exception handling done on the Team_Owner(). 

RCB's strategy has always been to find the most trending chick of Bollywood, dress her up in red and make her walk the ramp. Ooops....wait...think thats only for the IPL nights after party. Even though I would have preferred to see the likes of Dravid, Kallis and Rossy once again, I'm happy that there is no more Vinay Kumar. I'm sure Kaif will do his best to make matters worse for the team, but Kaif only bats and fields(getting drinks doesn't count). So Kaif : 2, VK :3. Kaif wins the dual with a vital ability of not having the ability to bowl.

KXIP's only strategy was to remove all the man boobs from the team. VRV Singh was the catalyst and he successfully induced the same into their already double chinned captain. By the time the management realized this, the cancer had reached its final stage and any number of hugs from Preity could not cure the losing streak disease. Their selection looks decent but spending nearly $1 million on Piyush Chawla can only be attributed to Preity's fetish to cuddle up against someone of her own height.

DC was highly influenced by its Hyderabadi cuisine and decided they really need to have some meat in their line up. Thus they opted for Lumb Biriyani. But it was surprising to see them going for something Rusty when they already had a Gony bag with a White Steyn on it. One can only hope that there is Ishant in the team if at all Telangana becomes a new state.

MI looks like a team with a Blizzard like destruction in them. They made some very intelligent buys and Davy Jacobs seems to be the best buy. With Bhajji and Symo in the same team, either Bhajji has to stop saying "Maa-ki" or Symo has to stop hearing it as "Monkey". They have god on their side and he seems to be in a good form as well. Would definitely love to see Nita Ambani coming out of the closet, that is with a new pair of clothes.

CSK is one team that reminded me of the classic romantic Hindi movies. Their motto was to not let go of any of their old players even if they have to cross seven seas or run out of budget or even if the cement company goes bankrupt. But as of now, the bond looks as strong as India Cements and if at all they had included The Wall, that would have been the perfect icing.

RR is one team that is surely going to attract a lot of attention. Not because of the players picked and not even because of its owners. Who said Share Warne was a former player? Once a player, always a player and he continues to score a lot off field. Very soon RR will receive royalty  from an iPhone game called "Warne's Flip-Her". The game will keep popping random household things and you have to answer whether Warne has already humped that object in his real life or not. The objects can be as simple as a bowling ball to a HB pencil. The highest scorer gets access to a random video of Warne flipping someone.

PW has been maintaining a rather low profile ever since its conception. The team looks rather inexperienced but they have one weapon which no other team has. The ever so destructive Nehra. Many batsmen have reportedly crapped in their pants after seeing Nehra's insanely wide, protruding and yellow teeth in his delivery stride. Some, in order to avoid public humiliation, give away their wicket to him. As a result of these, Lionsgate has requested Nehra's permission to use his face in Saw's next edition. 

Kochi has already started entertaining their fans even before the start of IPL. By opening with a joke, or should I say a flurry of jokes, one thing is guaranteed and that is entertainment. By picking all the unwanted players from other teams, there is no doubt that the ones performing will be Shakeela, Reshma or Devika. After all, the new coconut pickers have their work cut out and only after they get their daily wages, will they be allowed to go onto the field. The shine on the ball is bound to stay on for the full 20 overs, all thanks to the coconut oil applied to the hair.

P.S - This post was not intended to hurt the feelings of any Mallu, whether in Kerala, Dubai or UK and was solely targeted at the iconic Mallu, Sreesanth.

P.P.S - I have great respect for Shakeela as a comedian. 

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