A for Anna, B for Baba, C for Corruption

Over the last couple of months or so, it seems like everyone has developed a taste for the fight against corruption or thats what its been portrayed as. Suddenly, put-on accent, tattoos, piercings, smoking Rajini style, guzzling ten beers and still saying "I'm stable" and even going vegan aren't the cool things to do. While the fight for environment still seems to be the ever green trend, Google trends and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook are quick to mirror that fact that everyone seems to be trying to act cool, by saying no to corruption.

Anna Hazare started it right after India won the WorldCup and planned it right in the gap before the start of IPL 4. Well I'm not going to talk about the credibility of his motives or actions as he looked like a nice guy who didn't look for any funding and had a clear set agenda. Fair enough. While his efforts were commendable, there were lots of others who were looking to use that incident as a springboard. One of them was Baba Ramdev. 

With the IPL 4 also ending, and with a confirmed fact that nobody is going to watch the Ind WI series, there was no doubt that it was the perfect time for Ramdev's to do a Poonam Pandey i.e grab attention.  Before I actually dwell into his recent attention seeking acts, let me just shed some light on what everyone knew about him till then. He was a dude who taught Yoga and as a result of which influenced a lot of people. As a result of this I was forced by my parents to to Kapalbhati and his other asanas which MS Word doesn't recognize. While it didn't last long enough, I still give him some brownie points for promoting the brand Yoga in India.

I had seen one of his shows where some people pick up the mikes and start talking about how Ramdev's Yoga changed their lives and all that crap. OK, that was his way of promoting the classes and shows and is still fair enough. For a guy who didn't want to get laid, this was probably his way of finding a release point. Next he went on the record, saying his yoga will cure cancer and AIDS and said that sex education should be replaced by yoga. As long as he taught Kama Sutra, I really didn't have any problem with that!!! Recently, he even said that homosexuals are sick people and should be sent to the hospitals for treatment. Somewhere in this statement I felt that he was trying to come out of the closet indirectly. For a guy who has hair which would cause envy to any woman, wore a sleeveless saree all the time and who openly said that he didn't want to sleep with a woman, that statement sure looked like an expression of jubilation while still hiding behind the hypocrite mask. I even got to know that he owns an island in Scotland. I so want to visit that place to see if there is any leather shop selling ahem..,ahem.., toys in his name!!!

He started off his fast by saying its going to last for about 14 hours. My granny still goes on day long fasts on some days to impress the god and the media hyped Ramdev so much for a 14 hour fast. Guess you can go on for more than that without any media attention if you have a bad hangover. The news channels like always were providing Ramdev's pulse rate as breaking news every minute. With due respect, who is really bothered about all of this? It was crystal clear that Ramdev's fast was more of a political charade and TRP for media than the fight against corruption. So his demand was to bring all the black money from swizz bank to India. OK, what next? I'm sure he would have wanted a piece of that cake as well with his current assets legally valued more than 1,100 crores.

With everything said and done he broke his fast day before yesterday and I'm sure will be ready to hog like a pig today. The moral of the story is don't bite off more than you can chew. I really don't think general public backed his movement and had any faith in him and his motives. Guess that was the difference between Anna and Baba. The former's thoughts were put into action by the public and the latter's put into action only by the political parties. On an objective level, guess it was a move by BJP to get back into power next time around just like Osama's fake killing to help Obama run for another term. Its high time people stopped believing all these babas and so called godmen.

P.S - Doesn't a fast till death, count as an attempt to commit suicide? In that case shouldn't that person be arrested immediately?

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The Highs and Lows of IPL

Its been 10 days since the 4th installment of the highly popular yet controversial IPL got underway. While there are a lot of cynics out there who claim that the IPL has everything but cricket, I beg to differ. The simple fact being, if it wasn't for cricket and the juicy T20 format, a concept like IPL would have never kicked off in the first place. While there is always a possibility of the side dishes overshadowing the flavors of the main course, it is impossible for anyone to savor only the sides and totally exclude the main course.

I have been wanting to write about this man for a long time. Hats off to Lalit Modi for the inception and execution of such a great idea. Frankly speaking, I was a bit doubtful about his ability to single handedly make it a success. But I developed great respect for Mr.Modi when he yet again single handedly shifted the IPL from India to South Africa under a month. Modi had his duly wise men to advise him but I guess a lot of other crabs in the BCCI couldn't stand him raising the bat with each edition of the IPL.

Of course there is a lot of commercialization and that is obviously expected as at the end of the day, its a business. Franchises have invested a lot of moolah and they intend to make profits out of it and if cricket is the way, then let be it. Lots of MNCs are doing the same with software professionals but nobody is complaining. Right!!! I'm a hardcore RCBian and I watch it only for the cricket and once in a way wouldn't mind seeing hot "talented"(yes, it takes a lot of hardwork and talent) girls shaking their booty but never the other way around. I honestly don't believe that anyone for that matter watches the IPL only for the cheerleaders. If people are so desperate to see some skin, I guess there are lots of other ways which yield more skin and bodily fluids per viewing minutes.

While the 3rd edition of IPL ended on a very controversial note, let us have a look whether there is any drastic improvement in the quality the event. For starters, the opening ceremony actually looked like one of those acts that you would probably have in your wedding. Hardly any known names or classy and memorable acts albeit SRK(who would have done it for free anyways). So there is something literally "cheap" about it. Moving on, Max has stuck to two dudes and an on field bimbo (cheap). The forte of studio guests include Sidhu, ArunLOL, Gavaskar (Jr) and Jayasuriya(pity). So there is the "cheap" factor once again. There are only 3 commentators per match(logistics and "cheap" factor). The TV channels are doing a wonderful job in not showing the empty stands and zooming in on handful of the artificially enthusiastic fans.

The BCCI actually did another "cheap" act by assuming that the WorldCup win would automatically fill up the stands and thus spent a meager amount on promoting the IPL. Not even once have I seen any of the team anthems or videos this time and I'm sure the hoardings and other outdoor advertising also has been limited. Chirayu Amin's dressing and attitude was like a humdinger for the quality of IPL. At the end of the day the only thing I can say is that Mr.Lalit Modi you are being missed dearly. We miss the class and style that you brought to the IPL. While I so want you to come back and take control, I know its not going to happen and I can only see the start of the IPL downfall.

P.S - Dear Vettori, please stop sending tailenders up the order as pinch hitters. Gone are those days during 1990s when Srinath was the trump card. Please get the batting order right. 

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"We Are The Champions" - India #CWC2011

Yesss!!! Yesssssssssssss!!!Wooooohooooooooooooo!!! These were the words that came out of my mouth when Dhoni scripted the most stylish finish to a world cup. The adrenalin was pumping and everyone was so high on energy at Walkabout on Saturday that it mimicked a stadium atmosphere, which even included a dhol. I had held onto my beer mug till the end and composed stone cold's entrance music to commemorate the victory thus sacrificing the mug. The Indo-Pak fever had literally got to me and I was down with fever earlier in the week. Even though I missed watching that match in similar atmosphere, I have to confess that watching India winning the WorldCup was the best feeling of my lifetime.

All thanks to a wonderful team in whom I always believed, I can now tell the story of how India won the worldcup to my kids and possible grand kids. There have been some absolutely stunning individual performances over the worldcup but there is no doubt that this victory was a perfect team effort dedicated to the great man himself, Sachin Tendulkar. Kohli's statement was perfect when he said that Sachin had carried the burden of a nation for 21 years and its time we carried him on our shoulders.

Yuvraj Singh was one of the start performers of the tournament. There was a time I remember when he couldn't field at point and had upgraded his looks with a double chin and a paunch. But it was definitely a treat to see him flying on the field along with murdering the bowling attack and chipping in with a few wickets as well. Zaheer Khan has become such a mature cricketer that its a treat to watch him when he is on song. I still remember the first over he bowled in the 2003 worldcup finals when he had a lot of Sreesanth like temperament. But to become the leading wicket taker in the tournament and most importantly taking those vital wickets has to be one of his career highs.

Its really hard to put yourself in Dhoni's shoes. I can't even imagine the pressure of a billion fans on your shoulders. No doubt he had taken a few calls which backfired and some almost did, but at the end of the day, he had the guns and balls to pull things back and put up a show when it really mattered. Hats off to this gem of a cricketer and the greatest Indian captain. It just makes my rendezvous with Dhoni 6 months back even more memorable.

This win has given me one of those "I was there" moments. There were a lot of people at Walkabout who had come to be a part of history and there were some who had come just for the heck of it. The latter group of people mainly consisted of self proclaimed eye candies who couldn't even tell the difference between powerplay and innings break. These were the people who had come to say "I too was there". At the end of the day it was great to see a lot of divided people united by a common cause. The hashtag of #CWC2011 has finally seen its happy ending and we will probably see a birth of #IPL4 soon.

Congrats India once again for the winning the WorldCup and hopefully we can retain it 4 years from now. The stage was perfectly set for Sachin to retire, but then again I guess the kid in him is urging to push till the next WorldCup.

P.S - I also felt one of the legends of the game Muralitharan deserved a better send off.

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A Tie Maker #CWC2011

The infamous cricket World Cup has already begun and it will be a real sin from my side to not write about it. I could have probably controlled this temptation for a maximum of one more week but after yesterday's Ind vs Eng match in Bengaluru, I reached the tipping point. The satisfaction of writing this post is similar to that of holding it in for 5 hours on an uncomfortable bus journey after downing 4 pints and finally taking a leak in your own toilet, thus admiring the beauty of natural phenomenon.

After some really boring games at the #CWC2011, yesterday's game turned out to be one of the best games among all of the WorldCups. Not just because of the runs scored or the domino like batting collapse or the result of the game, but also because of the controversial UDRS. This match thoroughly emphasized the fact that cricket is a team game and just individual contributions aren't enough( I forbid Ravi Shastri from copying this line as its is copyrighted under my name). 

The top order from both the teams set up the match beautifully but the middle and the lower orders made sure that there were enough twists in the tale, ultimately ensuring that the end would sound like a story from one of the moral science books. Tendulkar was cautious to begin with but paced his innings in a classy manner to get his 47th ODI hundred, thus crawling close to that 50 mark. Strauss's innings was nothing short of brilliance as he made all the Indian bowlers beg for mercy. He got every bowler into his favorite position as he slowly and steadily, with the use of a lubricant did them where it hurts the most, thus disfiguring their figures.

More than 675 runs were scored for the loss of 18 wickets totally. The UDRS seems to be the most complicated system used to make things simpler, thus making the situation even more complicated. It is like giving a student tips on cracking an exam and giving him a book also on how to crack these tips but restricting him from using not more than 3 tips. If it looks like LBW, if the Hawkeye says it is LBW, then raise that crooked finger. I really couldn't get my head around that 2.5m clause in the rule. In that case, KP(Pietersen) who bats couple of feet outside the crease can never be judged out LBW if he is playing on his front foot. We shouldn't be surprised to see a "LBW factor" coming into play, based on the length of the batsman's stride, his height, weight, Zodiac sign, skin tone, sexual orientation, no of previous partners, no of followers on Twitter, and finally if the ball is actually hitting him in line and going on to hit the stumps.

While both teams deserved to win, they equally deserved to loose. No doubt, there were some nail biting, heart pounding and nerve crunching moments which made up for the fabulous game of cricket, but both teams walked out after breaking even. A tie at the end looked like a fitting result. I never thought I would say this, but Ravi Shastri's typical dialogue, "At the end of the day, cricket was the winner" actually is apt for this situation. But it surely wasn't when South Africa chased down 434 against Australia and definitely not when India won the T20 match against Pakistan in a bowl out. I surely missed watching this game in the stadium, as it would have easily gone down as one of those "I was there" moments.

P.S - Can someone please tell Yeddy that the victory symbol that he uses irrespective of the situation(even in a tied game) is not the same as \m/ .

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2010: The year that wasn't, was and never will be

Its that time of the year when everyone is either coming up with resolutions or trying their best to avoid them. Either way, they are bound to be unsuccessful. The best way to cope with this is to come up with a resolution a month or two before the D-day and blissfully break it on that day. This way, the countdown looks more like a countdown to break the shackles rather than to get bound by them.

2010 has actually been a very controversial year even if you exclude my sting operation to prove the eternal lust turned love between David Cameron and Nick Clegg.

The British media couldn't blame it on the direction and speed of the wind and the sound of vuvuzelas and had to stick to Green for their Worldcup miseries. Probably was the best year for the England cricket team. The nicotine patches had changed into purple and with successes in the T20 Worldcup and the Ashes, it was probably their best chance of stealing the thunder away from football. After Afridi's hunger for white balls, the immature spot-fixing trio proved that men are bad at "faking it".

Assange and his uncontrollable leaks not only made matters worse for Uncle Sam but helped various sanitary brands to plug the leaks. Really love some of the mirrors on which Wiki Leaks is hosted http://213.251.145.96/Mirrors.html. The #Barkhagate controversy was the Indian vesion of Wiki Leaks.

Until October, Kalmadi was just a regular bearded guy wearing running shoes with formal pants. The money laundering and CWG scams where he paid more money for a rented Z-grade equipment than for a A-grade new one launched him to a totally untouchable level. Not because he couldn't be touched but because he was hiding under Soniaji's saree. Inspite of delivering the most 'booooo'ed speech at the opening ceremony and also partnering with Shera to flounder a share of this and a share of that, the man's style remained impeccably simple with the same aforementioned attire. For a guy who had looted so much of the tax payers' money that he could actually buy Armani, Gucci, Hugo Boss and still have spare change, he chose to wear the same clothes as the masons and proved that he was a simpleton.

It was a year when Tendulkar turned 37 and hit the best form of his life (Right, like we haven't heard that before). While millions were bowing down to the little master's achievements, Arun Lal and Sanjay Manjrekar were busy discussing the fact that Sachin's backlift has reduced by 1.2cms over these years and he has gained 2 pounds over the last year which in turn has helped him to set new records. Arun Lal also claimed on air that he had presented this magic formula to Sachin on his birthday but honorably requested  his identity to be kept anonymous.

While the politicians in Karnataka were too busy playing polistrip poker, with the only twist being not taking off their clothes but of their most beloved politicians from the opposite party. As the whole world witnessed politicians showing off their bare chests in the assembly, none of them even bothered about the more boiling issues of the state. When a severe shortage of vegetables occurred at the end of the year, the state government started blaming the central government and vice versa with CM Yeddy's solution being to set the record for the most number of temples visited in a week, yet again. The act required him to abstain from all possible activities that involved his libido. But he seemed to listen to 50 Cent's candy shop a lot and couldn't get past the line "Ill melt in your mouth girl, not in your hand".

To round it all up. I wish everyone a very depressing, stale and a crappy new year. Hope I have motivated all of you to prove me wrong and perform miracles this year.

Would love to read any interesting 31st night experiences in the comments section below. My indulgence on Absinth has made me wonder whether the whole party was probably a hallucination or not.

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