Sreesanth Upset About His Name "Appam Chutiya" Not Used As A Song #FakingNews

It started with Kaminey, Saale and the baton is currently with Bose D.K. Going by this trend, the next logical word has to be Gandu. Oh wait, there is already a movie by this name expected to release this year. 

If the same algorithm is applied to Kannada movies, we can can expect the trend to start with atleast Boli Maga. Thinking about it now I realize that all the major flavorsome words have already been used by our very own Sai Kumar, ShivRaj Kumar, Upendra and co in their movies but none of them have used them in any of the songs like their big brother Bollywood has done.

Coming to the main story of the day, our very own Sreesanth has burst out in flames after cheta Priyadarshan declined his offer to include Sreesanth's name in one of the songs for his next flick. It was a regular Monday morning and Sreesanth had applied a good load of coconut oil and headed off into the woods to dispose some natural waste. As he was busy polishing off his duties while listening to Bhag D.K Bose on his iPod, Sreesanth got this "Eureka" like idea to  cast his name in a movie song. 

He kissed his chains, calmed himself until everything dried out and held his chest upright and started his run up. Only this time, he wasn't put away but a batsman but was so by Priyadarshan's watchman. The watchman even called the nearest asylum to book a case of an eloping patient after seeing Sreesanth's orange hair and Jogi like appearance. Sreesanth finally had to do his jig and crate a tantrum by slamming the ground and throwing mud in the air to convince him that he was infact the cricketer Sreesanth.

After all of this unscripted drama, cricketer Sreesanth finally met Priyadarshan and told him about his "Eureka" idea. He explained how the fake IPL player christened him with the name "Appam Chutiya" and how that name can finally be made to sound nice. Sree had also thought about the lyrics of the song and said it goes something like this.

" Take me to the cleaners,

   Whack me all over the park,

   Slap me baby one more time,

   Kuch bhi karo, main phir bhi hoon Appam Chutiya"  

Priyadarshan couldn't help but remind Sree what Neha Dhupiya had said long back "In India, only sex and SRK sell." Pri added one more S to it saying, "In India, only sex, SRK and Samskruta sell. If at all I want the mallu effect in my movies, I'll be more than happy to cast the pride of Kerala, Shakeela and not you". 

Sree was visibly very upset with this and he finally did a booty shake to show his disappointment. As a last resort, he has decided to prove to the MTV guys that he is a true roadie and hence approached them with a new idea for the next season of Roadies, after all even the kitchen sink wasn't good enough to increase the TRPs. Sree's proposal mainly involves replacing Raghu with himself in both auditions and the show to bring the "unpredictability" factor back into the show.

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"We Are The Champions" - India #CWC2011

Yesss!!! Yesssssssssssss!!!Wooooohooooooooooooo!!! These were the words that came out of my mouth when Dhoni scripted the most stylish finish to a world cup. The adrenalin was pumping and everyone was so high on energy at Walkabout on Saturday that it mimicked a stadium atmosphere, which even included a dhol. I had held onto my beer mug till the end and composed stone cold's entrance music to commemorate the victory thus sacrificing the mug. The Indo-Pak fever had literally got to me and I was down with fever earlier in the week. Even though I missed watching that match in similar atmosphere, I have to confess that watching India winning the WorldCup was the best feeling of my lifetime.

All thanks to a wonderful team in whom I always believed, I can now tell the story of how India won the worldcup to my kids and possible grand kids. There have been some absolutely stunning individual performances over the worldcup but there is no doubt that this victory was a perfect team effort dedicated to the great man himself, Sachin Tendulkar. Kohli's statement was perfect when he said that Sachin had carried the burden of a nation for 21 years and its time we carried him on our shoulders.

Yuvraj Singh was one of the start performers of the tournament. There was a time I remember when he couldn't field at point and had upgraded his looks with a double chin and a paunch. But it was definitely a treat to see him flying on the field along with murdering the bowling attack and chipping in with a few wickets as well. Zaheer Khan has become such a mature cricketer that its a treat to watch him when he is on song. I still remember the first over he bowled in the 2003 worldcup finals when he had a lot of Sreesanth like temperament. But to become the leading wicket taker in the tournament and most importantly taking those vital wickets has to be one of his career highs.

Its really hard to put yourself in Dhoni's shoes. I can't even imagine the pressure of a billion fans on your shoulders. No doubt he had taken a few calls which backfired and some almost did, but at the end of the day, he had the guns and balls to pull things back and put up a show when it really mattered. Hats off to this gem of a cricketer and the greatest Indian captain. It just makes my rendezvous with Dhoni 6 months back even more memorable.

This win has given me one of those "I was there" moments. There were a lot of people at Walkabout who had come to be a part of history and there were some who had come just for the heck of it. The latter group of people mainly consisted of self proclaimed eye candies who couldn't even tell the difference between powerplay and innings break. These were the people who had come to say "I too was there". At the end of the day it was great to see a lot of divided people united by a common cause. The hashtag of #CWC2011 has finally seen its happy ending and we will probably see a birth of #IPL4 soon.

Congrats India once again for the winning the WorldCup and hopefully we can retain it 4 years from now. The stage was perfectly set for Sachin to retire, but then again I guess the kid in him is urging to push till the next WorldCup.

P.S - I also felt one of the legends of the game Muralitharan deserved a better send off.

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All the Action from the Auction

This mid week post comes as a result of a special request and an unlikely number of 'Like's, which is always a pleasant surprise. I'll cut to the chase so that I have enough ink to write this sequel to Lights Camera Auction.

KKR's strategy just blew open the numerous controversies that engulfed them over the past 3 years. People who had any doubts in the fake IPL player's memoirs can now be as sure as the relationship between SRK and Karan Johar. The team looks good with some costly buys but for the kind of squirmish kid Gambhir is, he is sure to say, "These are my stumps, bat and ball. I'll not play if I'm not made the captain". One can surely see a Ganguly in him and KKR's troubles have only found version 2.0 with still no proper exception handling done on the Team_Owner(). 

RCB's strategy has always been to find the most trending chick of Bollywood, dress her up in red and make her walk the ramp. Ooops....wait...think thats only for the IPL nights after party. Even though I would have preferred to see the likes of Dravid, Kallis and Rossy once again, I'm happy that there is no more Vinay Kumar. I'm sure Kaif will do his best to make matters worse for the team, but Kaif only bats and fields(getting drinks doesn't count). So Kaif : 2, VK :3. Kaif wins the dual with a vital ability of not having the ability to bowl.

KXIP's only strategy was to remove all the man boobs from the team. VRV Singh was the catalyst and he successfully induced the same into their already double chinned captain. By the time the management realized this, the cancer had reached its final stage and any number of hugs from Preity could not cure the losing streak disease. Their selection looks decent but spending nearly $1 million on Piyush Chawla can only be attributed to Preity's fetish to cuddle up against someone of her own height.

DC was highly influenced by its Hyderabadi cuisine and decided they really need to have some meat in their line up. Thus they opted for Lumb Biriyani. But it was surprising to see them going for something Rusty when they already had a Gony bag with a White Steyn on it. One can only hope that there is Ishant in the team if at all Telangana becomes a new state.

MI looks like a team with a Blizzard like destruction in them. They made some very intelligent buys and Davy Jacobs seems to be the best buy. With Bhajji and Symo in the same team, either Bhajji has to stop saying "Maa-ki" or Symo has to stop hearing it as "Monkey". They have god on their side and he seems to be in a good form as well. Would definitely love to see Nita Ambani coming out of the closet, that is with a new pair of clothes.

CSK is one team that reminded me of the classic romantic Hindi movies. Their motto was to not let go of any of their old players even if they have to cross seven seas or run out of budget or even if the cement company goes bankrupt. But as of now, the bond looks as strong as India Cements and if at all they had included The Wall, that would have been the perfect icing.

RR is one team that is surely going to attract a lot of attention. Not because of the players picked and not even because of its owners. Who said Share Warne was a former player? Once a player, always a player and he continues to score a lot off field. Very soon RR will receive royalty  from an iPhone game called "Warne's Flip-Her". The game will keep popping random household things and you have to answer whether Warne has already humped that object in his real life or not. The objects can be as simple as a bowling ball to a HB pencil. The highest scorer gets access to a random video of Warne flipping someone.

PW has been maintaining a rather low profile ever since its conception. The team looks rather inexperienced but they have one weapon which no other team has. The ever so destructive Nehra. Many batsmen have reportedly crapped in their pants after seeing Nehra's insanely wide, protruding and yellow teeth in his delivery stride. Some, in order to avoid public humiliation, give away their wicket to him. As a result of these, Lionsgate has requested Nehra's permission to use his face in Saw's next edition. 

Kochi has already started entertaining their fans even before the start of IPL. By opening with a joke, or should I say a flurry of jokes, one thing is guaranteed and that is entertainment. By picking all the unwanted players from other teams, there is no doubt that the ones performing will be Shakeela, Reshma or Devika. After all, the new coconut pickers have their work cut out and only after they get their daily wages, will they be allowed to go onto the field. The shine on the ball is bound to stay on for the full 20 overs, all thanks to the coconut oil applied to the hair.

P.S - This post was not intended to hurt the feelings of any Mallu, whether in Kerala, Dubai or UK and was solely targeted at the iconic Mallu, Sreesanth.

P.P.S - I have great respect for Shakeela as a comedian. 

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