Happy Birthday Magane

Over the last year, this blog has acted like my lover, companion and even as a wing man at times and has turned out to be a part of my family. (Crap. I know that line was a bit lame) . Nevertheless its been exactly a year since I started it and gives me immense pleasure to thank everyone who criticized, supported and at times even promoted it.

ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು  ಹಾಗು  ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗು  ಧನ್ಯವಾದಗಳು  :)

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Corrupt - Shun

Its one of those rare times when something other than cricket has taken precedence in Indian media. I think it can be safe to say that this time, Anna Hazare stole even the Independence Day's thunder. With due fairness, he kinda deserved it. After all these years, it was known to be a national holiday where people are forced to attend flag hoisting events, sing a few songs and distribute sweets.

Its nice to see people from all walks of life uniting for a cause. Even the dabbawalas of Mumbai stopped their operations for a day to show their support, the first time these guys have bunked work in 120 years. Its even nice to see people in other countries as well involving themselves and atleast spreading the message.

The fight against corruption has surely united the country and one probably gets a glimpse of what the freedom struggle might have look like. While the whole Annagiri and a strong Lokpal Bill might be the right weapons to fight corruption, they might not just be right for this moment. I'm not being cynical or pessimistic but we all know the root cause of this problem.

Its always very easy to blame the government and the politicians for everything, even though I must admit this time someone really has to put the 'Man' into 'Mohan' and make him a real Singh. The solution to eradicate corruption isn't a bill or a protest. For all we know it looks like a huge tangled fur ball and we are of the illusion that pulling the two ends with a bill and a protest will solve the issue. As citizens, each and everyone of us have found ourselves atleast once among this food chain of corruption.

The reason why corruption exists in such a huge proportion is because whether you accept it or not, in many cases it becomes a necessity and more often than not makes matters easy for all the parties involved. Why do we pay 50 bucks to the PC and avoid a Rs.300 fine for driving without a licence. For once, you would like to get away by paying less and the less paid constable wouldn't mind some pocket money.  Put yourself into the PC's position. The guy probably has a family and has to take care of his kids' needs but is paid a meager 5k per month. So does he have any other option? The solution lies not in just education but in bringing about the right economic reforms. Bump up their pay-scales to a respectable number, something on par with what is paid for freshers in private firms and then see the difference. The necessity to put the hand under the table will be eradicated. But the again, I've also seen people earning 6 figure salaries every month resorting to cheap antics like the one mentioned above which talks a lot about filthy people trying to remove filth. 

All I want to insist is that the change must come from within. Once the big fishes are devoid of  small fishes to feed on, a shift in the chain will take place. Stop bribing the agents to get your passport or licence done and please stop bribing the poojary to get a better glimpse of a stone structure.

P.S - I'm off to the Oval to hopefully witness the 100th 100 and have those "I was there" moments.

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London Bangalored

The blog has been dead for quite sometime now. All thanks to the terrible service of my broadband partner Virgin Media and mobile partner Three and not to forget my fake laptop charger which finally gave up amidst the numerous twists and cuts and even sparks at times.

But then again I have to blame my lazy ass as well. I'm still going through the honeymoon period in my new job and I still get back home before the sun sets(which may not well be the right measure to use in this season). So far so good and I'm still carrying my own lunch and still haven't metamorphosized into one of those stereotypical health conscious people running to Sainsbury's or Tesco to grab lunch or just feasting on salads to stay fit.

Aha. Now why did I actually bring up the topic of fitness. I have about 6 months to go to do something about it. I sure can't adopt the above method. Something hardcore and old school, like.......hmmmmm...lets c...Yoga?? Naaa. Not my kind...Classical Dance??? Noooo way..Watching all of that "Underworld Flashback" on Suvarna has made me think about "Gardi" as well. In fact that is the perfect option, but where can I find one here. Damnn..Just when I finally make up my mind, the universe deceives me. Never mind. Dieting is still not an option and abstinence from meat will never even have the balls to even crop up on the list. So that leaves me with running. Should ask silent to gift me a pair of running shoes. After all I'll not be only person admiring the fit new me!!!

London might be well known for Buckingham palace or Tower Bridge or Big Ben or London Eye or even for its bad weather, which in my position, using theory of relativity doesn't really seem that bad. But for me its the tube system that astonishes me everyday and have become an ardent admirer of the way it functions. The first underground tube started in London more than 100 years ago and we are still in the process of erecting pillars in Bengaluru. I honestly hope everything goes well with "namma metro" and that it becomes a pride of the city.

Meanwhile I see striking similarities between London and Bengaluru. For starters, both the cities are heavily populated and the local population is a major minority. The no of desis in London are proportional to the comrades from up north residing in Bengaluru. The number of Polish and other European people are proportional to the thambis and annayas in Bengaluru. Just like its hard to hear any Kannada in garden city, its actually quite hard to listen to a proper Londoner's English anywhere. Sounds crazy but its actually true.

Nevertheless its quite ironical to celebrate Independence day from the land of the people from whom we actually took it. So happy Independence Day to everyone for being independent about something and for planning to become independent in atleast one more thing.

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House Hunting - London

I have just realized that this is going to be my last post from the land of the Scotch. The fact that these are the slog overs hasn't really sunk in. Speaking if which, I should really start my packing. Have been procrastinating about it for quite a few days now. I still remember the day I was woken up by a call from my future employer offering me a job. Well, in another week's time I should refer to them as my current employer. OK, enough of the unwanted blabber.

A couple of friends had told me their stories about finding a house in London, some taking weeks and some even months. Against all those words of wisdom, I booked an overnight bus to London last week and hoped my stay in London wouldn't last for more than 2 days. I hate bus journeys as I always end up with with a bad back and a sore neck along at the end of a sleepless night. Just when I thought my frequent travel from Glasgow to Edinburgh had seasoned me for this ultimate test, I didn't take much time to realize that I had overestimated by abilities. 

Turned my lappy on and watched a movie called as Buried. The whole movie is shot inside a coffin and as if the seats and the cramped space weren't making me feel claustrophobic enough, the movie surely pushed it. Its almost 2 AM and the driver has made a routine stop. An old lady sitting right behind me starts fiddling with a highly noisy packet of crisps. She finally opens it and slowly takes a bite of one of those crispy stuffs. And this happens over and over again for about half an hour. The high pitched crunchy sound has already irritated me to the core. I somehow try to go back to sleep and have already started dreaming about all possible torture movies and with the old lady playing an important role in all of them. Damnnnnn.

Its almost 4AM now and I realize that the people sitting in front of me haven't switched their lights off. I peep and see two hot girls busy reading and engrossed in some magazine. A closer look reveals that the magazine is some kind of kinky sex magazine full of BDSM stuff. Well I can surely understand people having a fetish for it but I couldn't imagine that happening throughout the night and that too in a bus where all you can hear are variety of snores and disgusting farts. Oh crap, can't even open the windows here.

I finally reach London and it feels worse than a bad hangover. I head off to view a few places. By afternoon I've already started pitying some of the places that I've seen. Some of the studios are hardly 8 X 10 and everything including a bed, kitchen and a bathroom are cramped into that space. I'm in no way trying to act cheap but all these places cost around 700 quid a month excluding bills and taxes. I have no idea why people don't give a shit about the place where you shit in this country. Many houses have shared bathrooms and some of the private ones make the shit retract itself into your body.

The story continues into the second day and I finally find a house with a decent sized living room and a bedroom and a private bathroom with a separate kitchen. But the problem is, its unfurnished but then again after the places I've seen for the past 2 days, this house feels like a luxury suite. With just about 6 months to go for me to enter a new phase in my life, I could see this place working for us in the long term. Even though its a bit hot on my wallet, I can surely look beyond that. Paid the holding deposit and now its just some formalities to get over with.

P.S : I'm surely going to miss Glasgow and the whole of Scotland but just like Arny says, "I'll be back".

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Movie Reviews - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Its been a while since I wrote a review for a Bollywood movie. But inspite of the thunder and lightning here in Glasgow today, I went out for Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and guess the name and message of the movie itself deserved a review.

In a simple sense, the movie had traces of Dil Chahta Hai but definitely filled with loads of fresh ideas and tomatoes. It sure is a desi version of the Hangover but totally unlike it, so I guess its safe to say that the movie has found a sweet spot between DCH and Hangover. But when you think of it, its actually hard to imagine such a combination.

The movie is all about 3 friends and a 3 week long bachelors' party in Spain. Its filled with the usual fun and games with expected fights and "hug and make up" between friends. I personally felt that Farhan Akhtar's acting was the best of the lot and Kat looks her glamorous best in the movie. But a special mention has to go out to the mind boggling camera work and the selection of locations. These are the two things that add a whole new dimension to the movie.

I wonder why nobody had thought of Spain earlier. Its always Amsterdam or London or handful of other European destinations usually. Ever since my dissertation on product placements, I watch movies from a different perspective. Its usually quite easy to spot those blatant placements in Hollywood movies but ZNMD scores well here also. Hrithik has done justice endorsing John Players. If JP hasn't already started a special ZNMD range, then they are surely missing out on a trick.

Along with John Players, Mountain Dew has been forced into a couple of scenes. But I guess its a safe pardon when you consider the freebies or financial support a brand provides a movie. Abhay Deol's character could have probably been played by any actor, so nothing special there but he actually holds the other characters together. 

The 3 adventure sports chosen for the movie are perfect and the final one places the icing on the cake even though the last scene is the only scene that has been made very "filmy".  Bhag D.K. Bose would have been a tailor made song for this scene. The movie gets a negative mark for using a stunt woman who doesn't resemble Kat at all. For some reason I feel that Farhan actually performed his own stunts with sky diving. 

The soundtracks are brilliant so some new ear worms for me. I would totally recommend this movie to anyone who wants to enjoy a feel good bollywood movie without much of unwanted masala.

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Sreesanth Upset About His Name "Appam Chutiya" Not Used As A Song #FakingNews

It started with Kaminey, Saale and the baton is currently with Bose D.K. Going by this trend, the next logical word has to be Gandu. Oh wait, there is already a movie by this name expected to release this year. 

If the same algorithm is applied to Kannada movies, we can can expect the trend to start with atleast Boli Maga. Thinking about it now I realize that all the major flavorsome words have already been used by our very own Sai Kumar, ShivRaj Kumar, Upendra and co in their movies but none of them have used them in any of the songs like their big brother Bollywood has done.

Coming to the main story of the day, our very own Sreesanth has burst out in flames after cheta Priyadarshan declined his offer to include Sreesanth's name in one of the songs for his next flick. It was a regular Monday morning and Sreesanth had applied a good load of coconut oil and headed off into the woods to dispose some natural waste. As he was busy polishing off his duties while listening to Bhag D.K Bose on his iPod, Sreesanth got this "Eureka" like idea to  cast his name in a movie song. 

He kissed his chains, calmed himself until everything dried out and held his chest upright and started his run up. Only this time, he wasn't put away but a batsman but was so by Priyadarshan's watchman. The watchman even called the nearest asylum to book a case of an eloping patient after seeing Sreesanth's orange hair and Jogi like appearance. Sreesanth finally had to do his jig and crate a tantrum by slamming the ground and throwing mud in the air to convince him that he was infact the cricketer Sreesanth.

After all of this unscripted drama, cricketer Sreesanth finally met Priyadarshan and told him about his "Eureka" idea. He explained how the fake IPL player christened him with the name "Appam Chutiya" and how that name can finally be made to sound nice. Sree had also thought about the lyrics of the song and said it goes something like this.

" Take me to the cleaners,

   Whack me all over the park,

   Slap me baby one more time,

   Kuch bhi karo, main phir bhi hoon Appam Chutiya"  

Priyadarshan couldn't help but remind Sree what Neha Dhupiya had said long back "In India, only sex and SRK sell." Pri added one more S to it saying, "In India, only sex, SRK and Samskruta sell. If at all I want the mallu effect in my movies, I'll be more than happy to cast the pride of Kerala, Shakeela and not you". 

Sree was visibly very upset with this and he finally did a booty shake to show his disappointment. As a last resort, he has decided to prove to the MTV guys that he is a true roadie and hence approached them with a new idea for the next season of Roadies, after all even the kitchen sink wasn't good enough to increase the TRPs. Sree's proposal mainly involves replacing Raghu with himself in both auditions and the show to bring the "unpredictability" factor back into the show.

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Sachin, Federer at Wimbledon #FakingNews

Looks like Wimbledon is back to its original charm with bad weather, first week upsets and star studded crowd. However, last week everyone's attention was drawn to this one of a kind meet between two legends namely Roger Federer and Sachin Tendulkar. It was a time when one GOAT met another GOAT on a lush green surface. GOAT here refers to Greatest Of All Times. While Sachin surely proclaimed that Roger knows a lot about cricket, what could they have possibly talked about for an hour. This is a PARODY of the possible conversation.

ST: Aila, Roger you were just fantastic. That looked like a easy win.

RF: Naah Sachin, every match is tough and you cant underestimate your opponent(the usual diplomatic, humble answer)

ST: I have been a great fan of your game and I really hope you win Wimbledon this time.

RF: Well, in that case you can do me a favor by square cutting Nadal. Hez staying at the Hilton, room 33(Giggle Giggle).

ST: I guess if you concentrate less on those Gillette ads, you'll surely not need my help.

RF: Pssst. Don't tell anyone. With the kind of form I'm currently in, my Gillette sponsorship is the only thing feeding me, my wife, my twins and my cow. 

RF: BTW, now that you have lost out on MRF, shall I fix you up with these guys?

ST: Actually I wouldn't mind it. I just sold my Ferrari and I'm even taking a loan to buy a new flat. I can surely do with some sponsorship.

ST: I too want some viral videos like yours. Would like to have a video in which I hit a six which will knock an Apple off Ambani's head.

RF: Anil or Nita? I would seriously recommend one of their sons. If something goes wrong, atleast some dead weight is put to rest.

ST: Ha Ha. We call it as "Dharti Pe Bhoj". I've actually tried doing it a couple of times but in vain.

RF: No wonder you ended up with a tennis elbow. You have to leave it to the experts like me :) (**Sarcasm**)

                    

It starts raining yet again in London.

ST: (Sensing the opportunity to change the topic) Typical London weather isn't it. Hope you slide through to the finals. 

RF: Hope I can put one more Wimbledon in my kitty. I can then concentrate on my retirement fund.  

RF: If I win this one, I'll stay back in London and cheer for you to get your 100th 100.

ST: Oh yeah. I really want to dedicate it to Sai Baba.

RF: Why don't you dedicate  it to me and I'll dedicate this Wimbledon win( or runner up tittle)  to you.

ST: RF, if you can get me a Gillette sponsorship then I'll hold my end of the deal. Frankly speaking, the odds of you still having the Gillette sponsorship is better than, ahem ahem....beating Nadal.

RF:(Hmmm.. Tit for Tat eh) Why don't you like my fan page on Facebook and write on my wall and we can discuss about it.

ST: Sure why not, follow me on Twitter and I'll DM you soon.

While this post was not intended to disrespect any of these legends, it was just my lame attempt at some parody. Its probably one of those things that sound better in your head than on paper. Just for the record, I so hope Sachin gets his 100th hundred and Roger equals Sampras's record of 7 Wimbledon titles this year.

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Yeddy, the Clown, the Comedian, (-) the CM

Staying overseas, I think its safe to say that the social networking sites have helped me to keep myself abreast with everything happening back home. Most of the times, a gentle glance at my Twitter stream is as good as reading newspaper headlines. Yes, a Twitter addiction actually helps. 

Amidst all the fast till death and cricket, the political drama has actually been quite amusing to follow. I've never been a fan about politics and would always have a grumpy face whenever my dad or grandpa tuned into news channels every hour. In fact, they should probably get smart phones and start tweeting.

The political drama in Karnataka is definitely more entertaining than any of the states. People might argue that TN has always been on top, but then again it features the same old star cast, with the same story line and with the same ending. It sure is too predictable. The reason why Karnataka produced a blockbuster this time is because of the awesome character of Yeddy. Ever since he was sworn in, we have seen more drama than a reality show with all possible twists. Makers like Raghu , Rajiv and co should surely hook up with Yeddy sometime for inspiration.

I still remember during his beginning days, Yeddy was actually urging people to stop drinking alcohol and instead start drinking milk. Well, that was how he actually justified the rise in milk prices. Imagine that situation in which a bunch of guys decide to go to their favorite hang out place or a friend's place to party and you have all the usual sides, but see people saying "maga 60 semi skimmed hako", to which the other guy would reply "lo, sukka hodibeda. Atleast fully skimmed hodi".

When Yeddy started spending more time claiming his strength in front of the governor  rather in front of his wife, it was clear to even a layman that his attempts were lame. It was clear that he was struggling to build a majority and instead of doing something about it, what does he do? He strips down and starts doing naked suryanamaskars on the banks of river Cauvery.  Just when you thought it can't get more hilarious than this, surprise surprise. Yeddy pulls another trick out of his hat.

This happened just last week when Yeddy wrote an open letter to HDK and published it in the newspapers. In simple words, the letter challenged HDK to swear infront on Lord Manjunatheshwara in Dharmasthala that there was truth behind his allegations. It so reminded me of school kids challenging each other using mother promise or father promise, only in this case it was "God Promise". Amidst all this drama, whenever you see Yeddy and his men, you'll always see them posing to the camera with a victory sign. I'm so sure atleast 90% of them don't even have an idea of what it is and when it is to be used.

With everything said an done, I really want Yeddy to stay put and entertain us with his antics day in day out. After all people like George W Bush and Yeddy are rare and one has to make the best use out of them. Comedians like these don't crop up every other day.

P.S - Hope to wake up tomorrow and see another "Yeddy" in my Twitter stream.

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A for Anna, B for Baba, C for Corruption

Over the last couple of months or so, it seems like everyone has developed a taste for the fight against corruption or thats what its been portrayed as. Suddenly, put-on accent, tattoos, piercings, smoking Rajini style, guzzling ten beers and still saying "I'm stable" and even going vegan aren't the cool things to do. While the fight for environment still seems to be the ever green trend, Google trends and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook are quick to mirror that fact that everyone seems to be trying to act cool, by saying no to corruption.

Anna Hazare started it right after India won the WorldCup and planned it right in the gap before the start of IPL 4. Well I'm not going to talk about the credibility of his motives or actions as he looked like a nice guy who didn't look for any funding and had a clear set agenda. Fair enough. While his efforts were commendable, there were lots of others who were looking to use that incident as a springboard. One of them was Baba Ramdev. 

With the IPL 4 also ending, and with a confirmed fact that nobody is going to watch the Ind WI series, there was no doubt that it was the perfect time for Ramdev's to do a Poonam Pandey i.e grab attention.  Before I actually dwell into his recent attention seeking acts, let me just shed some light on what everyone knew about him till then. He was a dude who taught Yoga and as a result of which influenced a lot of people. As a result of this I was forced by my parents to to Kapalbhati and his other asanas which MS Word doesn't recognize. While it didn't last long enough, I still give him some brownie points for promoting the brand Yoga in India.

I had seen one of his shows where some people pick up the mikes and start talking about how Ramdev's Yoga changed their lives and all that crap. OK, that was his way of promoting the classes and shows and is still fair enough. For a guy who didn't want to get laid, this was probably his way of finding a release point. Next he went on the record, saying his yoga will cure cancer and AIDS and said that sex education should be replaced by yoga. As long as he taught Kama Sutra, I really didn't have any problem with that!!! Recently, he even said that homosexuals are sick people and should be sent to the hospitals for treatment. Somewhere in this statement I felt that he was trying to come out of the closet indirectly. For a guy who has hair which would cause envy to any woman, wore a sleeveless saree all the time and who openly said that he didn't want to sleep with a woman, that statement sure looked like an expression of jubilation while still hiding behind the hypocrite mask. I even got to know that he owns an island in Scotland. I so want to visit that place to see if there is any leather shop selling ahem..,ahem.., toys in his name!!!

He started off his fast by saying its going to last for about 14 hours. My granny still goes on day long fasts on some days to impress the god and the media hyped Ramdev so much for a 14 hour fast. Guess you can go on for more than that without any media attention if you have a bad hangover. The news channels like always were providing Ramdev's pulse rate as breaking news every minute. With due respect, who is really bothered about all of this? It was crystal clear that Ramdev's fast was more of a political charade and TRP for media than the fight against corruption. So his demand was to bring all the black money from swizz bank to India. OK, what next? I'm sure he would have wanted a piece of that cake as well with his current assets legally valued more than 1,100 crores.

With everything said and done he broke his fast day before yesterday and I'm sure will be ready to hog like a pig today. The moral of the story is don't bite off more than you can chew. I really don't think general public backed his movement and had any faith in him and his motives. Guess that was the difference between Anna and Baba. The former's thoughts were put into action by the public and the latter's put into action only by the political parties. On an objective level, guess it was a move by BJP to get back into power next time around just like Osama's fake killing to help Obama run for another term. Its high time people stopped believing all these babas and so called godmen.

P.S - Doesn't a fast till death, count as an attempt to commit suicide? In that case shouldn't that person be arrested immediately?

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Movie Reviews - Hangover 2

The last one week has been very weird in terms of my choice of watching movies. While a side of me was screaming "ನಾನು ಕನ್ನಡಿಗ " , the other was just exploring the unsung heroes of Sandalwood.  No doubt some of the movies were utter "shite" , but there were a couple of them which though were shot in a full on serious tone, made me LOL. If at all you want a taste of this, I would recommend watching Sai Kumar's Police Story I and II and Thriller Manju's Jackie Chan. I'm sure this post would prop up in Google searches after a few days, if someone typed "Jackie Chan's Police Story", and would get a kick on the backside for relevance. 

While most of us would actually find Sai Kumar's acting funny and entertaining, he is unmatched when it comes to dialogues. For a person to maintain the same level of intensity and passion on screen throughout the movie is actually commendable. Amidst all these movies and many more which were utter crap, I happened to watch Hangover-2.

Its one of those sequels that actually complement the original. The story line is very similar to the first part and for all entertaining reasons, the plot gets even more twisted. I'm not going to act like a spoilsport and reveal the story here but just going to graze through some of the highlights.

Bradley Cooper has done justice to his role along with Ed Helms playing the usual guy who has a secret affinity towards hookers and in this case, gets a bigger package than expected. If you love Zach Galifianakis, then you'll love him even more but then again I feel his role was a bit overshadowed by others in this part. Ken Jeong who plays Mr.Chow surprisingly has a lion's share of on-screen time considering his "tiny package" as its shown in the beginning of the movie.

No baby with shades this time and instead gets better with a pot smoking monkey. If at all you have little kids then please do take them to the movie as the'll get a whole new lesson on human anatomy , courtesy ladyboys of Thailand. This way, they can ask numerous doubts to their teachers. If at all the lady teachers are anything like we had in Sadvidya who even feel shy to talk about 9th std human reproduction system chapter, then the'll probably have a pretty tough time. If you are trying to hook up with a girl, then she'll probably see the movie as your attempt to take things a few steps higher on a single day and might not be the best option. Even though its a movie to be enjoyed with a bunch of guys, I'm sure you can enjoy it with your girlfriend as well.

On the whole I give it a 4/5 . Like always, the segment in the end showing all the pics is probably the icing on the cake. If they maintain the standards, the Hangover can well go upto parts 4 or 5 and still be grossly funny. In fact I hope it happens, just like the American Pie series.

P.S - I still feel that Zach Galifianakis was funnier in the movie Due Date.

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Real-life Movie Scene

As previously mentioned in Of teas and Pregnant Women, I have to travel to Edinburgh to work everyday. Not only is it a pain on days with bad weather, but it constantly keeps reminding me of that fact that I'm growing old. The reason I say this is because I used to see my Dad and some of his friends travelling from Mysore to Bangalore and back for work everyday for years together. They were all atleast 40 when they were doing this, and back then I used to think this is what life becomes when you grow old and start looking after a family. Huh, now this is some reality check!!

Scotland has always been known for its beautiful, warm and sunny weather. I actually mean the worst possible contradictory adjectives to what I just described. I've had my fair share of this during the winter, which is quite expected and frankly, impossible to dodge. But last week was one of the weirdest days which was made worse by the "over cautious and security concerned" people.

As it turned out, I left work a few minutes early as I could see that it was drizzling and quite windy. As I reached Haymarket, the usual stop where I board my bus, I saw that there were hundreds of people there. Apparently the Haymarket train station was also shut due to strong winds. Strong probably isn't the right word to describe it. There were winds blowing at around 100mph and could literally push a heavy duty like me off my feet. To make this weather more lovable, it started raining quite heavily and all of us were waiting for a bus to come with no roof over our heads. After an agonizing 45 min wait came a bus which didn't stop as it was full. No surprises there. So I decided to take a local bus and head to the main bus station.

I finally reached there and all the events from now resembled a overhyped Hollywood movie. The main bus station had been evacuated and there were numerous security personnel guarding the entrances with barricades. For a moment I actually thought that some hostage scenario was taking place inside as all those macho, grumpy security guys were screaming and asking people to move away from the doors and the walls of the bus station. The bus station is not only quite small but actually looks like a mall from outside.

Right, even the Waverly train station was closed and there were about 2000 people stranded on the roads in that torturous weather. All the shops are closed as well and all the ATMs were out of cash. Just like in Die hard 4  or any of those action movies when the networks are totally compromised. Amidst this, I met a desi guy who was very keen on getting back to Glasgow and asked if I was ready to split a taxi with him. It would come upto 40 quid per head and so I asked him to find some more people to pool in. Meanwhile, surprisingly enough the people were no getting restless and were patiently waiting hurling a few curses in between. It was about an hour and a half before they decided to resume the bus services from outside the station.

Meanwhile, as me and the desi guy were discussing on the taxi scenario, a South Indian uncle overheard us and said he too wanted to hop on, but the only problem was he had 4 other people with him, with 2 "half-tickets", just like he described. Most of the taxis were not running as well and so while the desi guy was now trying to a hire a 7 seater, the uncle was like, we can put the kids on our laps and somehow go. What an Idea Sirji. But the only problem was there were no Ambassadors here and it was not India, and more than that uncle didn't even have a license with him. He was surely someone who had come to visit his son or daughter here and this was evident from his formal pant upto his chest, spanking new white Nike running shoes and a monkey cap worn like a skully. Meanwhile, a black guy wearing a typical NY cap and ultra low waist jeans and holding his belt buckle with his right hand comes up to me and says "Ma maaan, cudch aa hop on as well?" I directed him to the event coordinator, desi guy.

Finally I saw a bus taking a slow turn and told these guys that I'll probably go by bus itself. But the problem was about 60 odd seats were up for grabs and there were about 2k people fighting for it. Some wise Samaritan requested everyone to let people with kids board first and then the oldies. Luckily there weren't much of them and I somehow muscled my way into the bus, elbowing a couple of drunks on the way.

The bus finally took off and I reached home about 3 hours later. The winds were really affecting the balance of the bus and a 1 hr journey turned into a 2.5 hr one. This incident just showed one thing that there was more emphasis on processes and protocols rather than taking action. If the personnel had actually invested more efforts in getting the transportation services running rather than just asking people to calm down, this would have been much better. Its been almost a week since this happened and the winds are still scoring a FCD for their consistency and show no signs of abating. 

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Conversation On A Bus

This incident happened last week when I was on the bus. It was a 30 minute journey which was spiced up by a couple of guys. With an honest confession to make, I didn't just over hear them talking, I was eavesdropping on them with my fake sleep expression.

Just to introduce the characters, the first one is a Gujju working in TCS and has been staying in UK for a couple of years now. The other guy is a typical Mallu, with looks and accent and is also working in TCS but has just landed in UK, probably less than a week old in this country. One common factor between them, apart from working in the same company is that they both are married.

When I actually started listening to them, the bus had stopped at a signal and there were two really hot policewomen and I mean naughty America hot, standing near the bus stop. While they both were drooling, both of them wanted to show that they were Gandhi's grand grand love children.

Gujju - "You see, in this country you can't understand 3 Ws i.e Work, Wages and Women. If you try to do so, you'll go mad."

Mallu - "Ha Ha Ha. That's a good jocke."

After some boring chatter about their ancestors, they move onto some work related stuff.

Gujju - "If TCS had billed that client $8 instead of $7, then they could have had a million more in profits. If I was in charge of it, I would have billed them at least $10."

Mallu - "I know, I too feel so many times. These peeepaul have no brains at all."

Huh. Like the people in the higher management are plain dumb and have no idea of what they are doing.

Mallu - "You know what, whenever someone asks my wife, what I'm doing, she'll always say that I'm busy with my first wife. Ha Ha Ha. She calls my laptop as my 1st wife."

Right with that lame joke out of the way, they move onto some wife related stuff. Something spicy coming up as to where they keep the leather gear? Hmmm...Guess not.

Gujju - " My wife says she gets bored here. Now that your wife has also come, they both can meet everyday and spend some time. They shouldn't go to work here, else they can start earning more than us and will not show us any respect."

Mallu - "Ya Ya, thats very true. I'll get her to your house this weekend. Let our wives get along. We can take them out to some Indian restaurant once in a while and that should be enough to keep them happy."

Gujju - "Oh ya, after all we have come here to save money. I know a few cheap restaurants. You take your wife only there, k."

So much for women empowerment and equality. Guess some things never change wherever you go and whatever you do. Before the conversation could continue, they both got down at their stop.

Even though it was a nice timepass to listen to those narrow minded blokes, its a pity that some people are still so rigid and boxed up in their thinking. Saving is always good but one has to be a bit open minded to explore new things. Trying to keep their better halves at check at the time will only make their lives a bit more bitter.

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The Cricket Season Begins

The so called summer has finally arrived. Nothing to go bonkers about but it is relatively warmer and sun stays up a bit more longer to catch a glimpse of the drunk teenage girls with low necklines trying to fit into shorts atleast two sizes smaller. The only upside is that fake tan season is over and everyone is fortunate to not catch a glimpse of the cheap spray tan dripping from the legs. Oh wait !!!! Did I mention about the beer. Its also time to get some lager or ale sloshing in your tummies.

Among all of these, the cricket season has started again. Strathclyde has got off to a good start this season and I hope they take it 1 step further this time. I on the other hand, was itching to pick up some English Willow and start playing those Kallis like drives, Uthappa like reverse sweeps and McCullum like scoops. I know I know, I have been bragging quite a bit but I'm also being honest in saying that I'm really not looking forward to getting out LBW as a result of my poor footwork.

Polloc is an awesome club to play cricket with a wonderful turf wicket right in the middle of a national park, the entrance to which reminds me so much of Orange county in Coorg. The first couple of practice sessions were quite painful. Got hit on my thighs a couple of times as a result of my bad footwork and more importantly the ಕೊಬ್ಬು of not wearing thigh pads. The worst of the lot was when I got hit on my chin taking a high catch as a result of not wearing Ramesh Powar like goggles. Damn I missed the Karbon Kamaal Katch award!! 30ml of blood, a long wait in the hospital and a couple of stitches later I was back on the field again.

For some reason there is new found sweet spot in my bowling. Guess people who have played with me know my weakness of bowling down the leg side just like Agarkar bowls short balls wide outside the off stump. But now suddenly I've started to bowl a lot of bouncers and out swingers. I know its all a fluke but I just wana see how long it lasts. Oh wait, as a result of this luck/talent/ಗೆರೆ or whatever you can call it, I've got a look in for a cup match tomorrow.

Hope to crack a few 6s or atleast bowl a few toe crushers. Aaaah...Just being a blabbering optimist now. Frankly speaking, just hope I don't have to get stitched up yet again !!!

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Osama, Obama And The Fake Story

Its been a week since the news broke out and it just didn't sound right from the beginning. Osama apparently being killed in Pakistan about a mile away from PMA? Well I'm not surprised that he was in Pakistan or was so close to the army's hut. If at all Osama was actually killed there, he wouldn't have chosen that place to hide, assuming that Pakistan is innocent(which is not true) and even if he was actually killed and buried at sea, the nearest sea from Abbotabad is about 1600 kms away.  So the US wouldn't have taken that much pain in burying a terrorist who so called masterminded 9/11.

Well its no more a secret that 9/11 was an inside job and that Osama was actually a Frankenstein monster created by US themselves to combat Russia. So 10 years later, after killing about 600,000 people and spending about $1.2 billion and of course seizing countless oil wells in Iraq, was it all worth it? Uncle Sam will surely talk about the war against terrorism and saving people just like the politicians back home talk about good roads, electricity and subsidized groceries. In both the cases, its a political agenda and a lame last resort to gain votes which invariably does the trick every time. How cool is that? Guess many of us would wish that the same marketing strategies or the same Java or C++ code works for all the projects. Yet people say, running the country is such a difficult job. After Obama's stand up act, check out this parody video which has every possibility of becoming true in the near future.

I honestly believe that the US leaked a photo about Osama's death on the day the news broke out. People were soon to spot the bad photoshop and thus what Obama claimed the pic to be of a "graphical nature" is actually "graphics going wrong". The same happened when the videos of 9/11 came out and its a pity that they haven't learnt their lesson even after a decade. Surely they should have hired a software engineer from Bengaluru to do it. Just goes to show that the US really cannot survive without outsourcing. The home grown talent actually sucks in a big way.

There are numerous loopholes in the official story. The world's most wanted person was unarmed and the US navy seals shot at him in pretext of self defense. So what was Osama threatening them with? Body odour? If at all Osama was actually killed, I'm so sure the videos and photographs of that would have been released to the world media and Sam would have gone on and on about it for decades to come.

I do feel that Osama was dead long back and yes there was a military operation in Abbotabad and that was just to cook up this story and all the people in the house were killed to tie up the lose ends. The reason this mission took place during this time of the year was to help Obama become 1 more term richer.

P.S - Jai Veerappan. Poor guy's story too ended with similar controversies.

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Of Teas And Pregnant Women

Its been a while since I blabbered about whats happening in my personal life. To start off, the last month or so has been great. Filled with lots of good news and being showered with a lot of love. But more about that some other time.

My current job actually involves a lot of things that I never thought I will do. I wake up in the morning and travel about 2 hours in the morning to the capital to reach my workplace. The MegaBus service totally sucks and honestly speaking, Rajahamsa and even Mysore Mallige buses back home are way more comfortable. I try to get some sleep but get woken up by some moron coughing behind me or a hungover driver driving into the potholes. 

My work has been revolving totally around 2 entities, namely teas and pregnant women. I love teas, so thats one part taken care of. With due respect to pregnant women, I'm totally out of my comfort zone interacting with them. Its actually way too funny when I end up giving them tips on breast feeding, baby care and a lot more. Many a times I experience those real LOL moments. Guess lots of people in P&G also do the same. The past few weeks have been really hectic and have been working on lots of things. There is so much fun in learning new things and actually putting them into action where you can see tangible results. 

I have been trying out lots of experiments using social media and glad to have a lady boss who thinks on the same lines. The last 3 days have been very hectic and tiring as I was actively involved in a show. Really waiting for the next weekend where I can go back to my usual lazy self, doing those 12-hour sleeping shifts. Aaaah, the smell of beer beckons. Guess these nice thoughts are enough to get me through this week. Oh crap, its getting late. I'm off to my picnic, but havta travel 2 hours for that now!!!

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Sai Baba's Last Trick

Yesterday was actually a day of lots of known birthdays. Undoubtedly, Sachin's was the biggest of them all. People from Karnataka will probably remember that it was Rajkumar's birthday as well. On a personal note, I feel he was very over rated and had successfully managed to apply a lipstick to his controversy riddled career. The only reason I like him is because of all those audio clips about "Rajanna" that went viral during the good old college days. Hard to believe that cricketer turned umpire Dharmasena too celebrated his 40th birthday. I'm sure he will be going through some strange emotions whenever he sees people like Shane Warne who are older than him begging him to give the batsman out. But more than all of these birthdays, I'm more happy that it was the death day of Sai Baba.

While I had taken a swing against Sai Baba in The God, The Religion and The Ugly, I'm actually happy to see that his nuts have been finally laid to rest. I utterly detest all the self proclaimed god men. While I do pity the people who believe in them, I sometimes feel that people who actually fall for those kind of silly tricks actually deserve to be deceived. Not long ago was Nityananda caught on camera in compromising positions. Funny thing with all these scandals is that the females flashing flamboyantly in the videos actually deny that its them when they can actually come out with newer and fresher videos like Paris Hilton or simply show their sense of humor by saying that they would have probably bought something from Ann Summers if they knew that they were being taped.

Coming back to Sai Baba, he is probably the biggest con artist of the recent times. A person who not only looted people by exploiting their weakness in belief but also proved to be an ultra safe locker for all the politicians' dirty money. While all his tricks have been well exposed, his internal affairs have also been put out there in the public for people to see. Watch some of the recommended videos on YouTube and you'll know what I'm talking about. There are many men who have been molested by him and there is no denying the fact that inspite of being a vegetarian , baba loved "sausages". I even stumbled upon a few pics from his childhood, which show that he was even a cross dresser and that he has always been a person trying to come out of the closet.

With everything said and done, I guess he is only one among numerous other petty con artists out there. Awareness is something that is lacking and people tend to assume that anything that doesn't have a simple explanation is an act of god or now, god men. Only when they start critiquing and questioning these acts, the glorified magicians will bite the dust. The only commendable trick of Sai Baba is that he made people believe that he died yesterday when he had already died few days back.

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The Highs and Lows of IPL

Its been 10 days since the 4th installment of the highly popular yet controversial IPL got underway. While there are a lot of cynics out there who claim that the IPL has everything but cricket, I beg to differ. The simple fact being, if it wasn't for cricket and the juicy T20 format, a concept like IPL would have never kicked off in the first place. While there is always a possibility of the side dishes overshadowing the flavors of the main course, it is impossible for anyone to savor only the sides and totally exclude the main course.

I have been wanting to write about this man for a long time. Hats off to Lalit Modi for the inception and execution of such a great idea. Frankly speaking, I was a bit doubtful about his ability to single handedly make it a success. But I developed great respect for Mr.Modi when he yet again single handedly shifted the IPL from India to South Africa under a month. Modi had his duly wise men to advise him but I guess a lot of other crabs in the BCCI couldn't stand him raising the bat with each edition of the IPL.

Of course there is a lot of commercialization and that is obviously expected as at the end of the day, its a business. Franchises have invested a lot of moolah and they intend to make profits out of it and if cricket is the way, then let be it. Lots of MNCs are doing the same with software professionals but nobody is complaining. Right!!! I'm a hardcore RCBian and I watch it only for the cricket and once in a way wouldn't mind seeing hot "talented"(yes, it takes a lot of hardwork and talent) girls shaking their booty but never the other way around. I honestly don't believe that anyone for that matter watches the IPL only for the cheerleaders. If people are so desperate to see some skin, I guess there are lots of other ways which yield more skin and bodily fluids per viewing minutes.

While the 3rd edition of IPL ended on a very controversial note, let us have a look whether there is any drastic improvement in the quality the event. For starters, the opening ceremony actually looked like one of those acts that you would probably have in your wedding. Hardly any known names or classy and memorable acts albeit SRK(who would have done it for free anyways). So there is something literally "cheap" about it. Moving on, Max has stuck to two dudes and an on field bimbo (cheap). The forte of studio guests include Sidhu, ArunLOL, Gavaskar (Jr) and Jayasuriya(pity). So there is the "cheap" factor once again. There are only 3 commentators per match(logistics and "cheap" factor). The TV channels are doing a wonderful job in not showing the empty stands and zooming in on handful of the artificially enthusiastic fans.

The BCCI actually did another "cheap" act by assuming that the WorldCup win would automatically fill up the stands and thus spent a meager amount on promoting the IPL. Not even once have I seen any of the team anthems or videos this time and I'm sure the hoardings and other outdoor advertising also has been limited. Chirayu Amin's dressing and attitude was like a humdinger for the quality of IPL. At the end of the day the only thing I can say is that Mr.Lalit Modi you are being missed dearly. We miss the class and style that you brought to the IPL. While I so want you to come back and take control, I know its not going to happen and I can only see the start of the IPL downfall.

P.S - Dear Vettori, please stop sending tailenders up the order as pinch hitters. Gone are those days during 1990s when Srinath was the trump card. Please get the batting order right. 

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Working Out and Gaining Weight Inside

Just a few months ago, I had reached a point in my life when even the belts were not enough to keep my pants from slipping. Surprisingly I had lost a lot of weight and felt very fit. Guess I have to owe everything to all the cricket that I used to play during that time. Coming to current form, I'm nearing the nervous nineties and frankly speaking, I have no intentions of scoring a century when it comes to weight. Guess all the good news in the recent times has accelerated my binging and indulgence in calorie rich food and drink.

The end result of all of this is that I'm running out of holes in my belts and have managed to just hold onto the last hole. So I finally made up my mind yesterday to do something about it. After two boring IPL matches on a Sunday and on a rare day when it was sunny and warm in Glasgow, I decided to go for a run with my two bodyguards. Yes yes, I was worried that I would either run out of breath or body fat to burn. There was a 99.9% probability that it would be the former one.

I was pleasantly surprised with my stamina as I ran without taking a break for way more distance than I expected. The great thing about this weather is that you really need to break your bones to break a sweat. While I was on my way back home, there were a couple of weird looking little kids just playing the fool as usual. One of them had a huge stick in his hand and it seemed like the Starwars ghost had got into him and he was totally unaware of his movements. As I tentatively neared him, he poked me with his long stick where it hurts the most. Well in all respects, my stick was no match to the real wooden counterpart and it really hurt!!!!!. Damn those kids!!

With the worse out of the way, I came back home only to be craving for more to eat. After munching on some yummy fried homemade stuff like ಕೊಡ್ಬಲೆ and ಚಕ್ಕಲಿ and some chicken donner late in the night after dinner, guess all the sweat and a possible 0.001gm of fat that I had burnt went in vain. These incidents have just made me realize that a physical activity like this is not only going to not help you in reducing weight but will you also help you a great deal in putting on some extra pounds. And unfortunately these are the pounds that accumulate around your waist and not in your wallet.

P.S - Any magic health tips deeply appreciated.

P.P.S - Forrest Gump was a bit overrated!!

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