Movie Reviews - Udaan

Once in a way you stumble onto a movie, start watching it without any expectations, with hardly any known actors in it and in the end get totally blown away by it. I'm sure everyone of us has experienced this atleast once. I was talking to silent the other day and she happened to mention to me about this non commercial movie called Udaan winning lots of awards.

Like always, I downloaded the movie for free and started watching it on a late evening with a drink in one hand and a bowl with some good ol homemade peanut masala in the other. I promise you that the story will not be revealed here. So this post is rated PG with no spoiler alerts.

The movie starts with four guys in a residential school trying to sneak out in the night to watch a late night screening of a  desi soft-core movie. Yeah yeah I know, all of us have been there and done that. The boys get caught by their teacher in the same theatre who would have come there with some company to get some action. As a result of this, they get expelled and so is the laughter from the rest of the movie. The movie then concentrates on one of the guys who is an aspiring writer and his relationship with his father, whom he hasn't seen for the past 8 years.

The boy named Rohan is forced to call his father 'Sir' and is stripped of all forms of freedom. While he has no say infront of his father, he is also strictly ordered to put his pen down and start working in a factory. Amidst all this, he also has a 6 year old step brother as well whose acting is one of the cutest. While the boy Rohan gets abused by his father both verbally and physically, he secretly tries to pursue his passion and indulge in drinking and smoking. For all we know, he is a typical teenager with more things to hide than show.

The movie becomes even more gripping when the father's anger becomes responsible for a tragic event in the family and Rohan finds out about the actual truth. If you really want to know as to what happens next, go and buy a DVD and watch the movie or just download it, like I did. Ronit Roy delivers the performance of a lifetime as the father (totally unexpected from his 'K' series nonsense) and the debutant youngster Rajat Barmecha is absolutely brilliant. The story isn't the greatest but the new director Vikramaditya Motwane has brought some real spark and life into the art of film making. 

The movie's name 'Udaan' translates to 'Flight'  and does it take off or what. There are subtitles if you cannot understand Hindi and I really recommend everyone to watch this underrated movie. If you still don't believe me, IMDb has rated it 8.7. It had been quite sometime since I had enjoyed the brilliance of a Bollywood movie to this extent. It kind of reminded me of the time when I watched Khuda Ke Liye which is another must watch.

I give it a 10/10 rating without any second thoughts. Do watch it and let me know, if you haven't yet.

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Here Comes The Brain

Its about time, I wrote something about this wonder organ called the brain. I have always had an interest in medical science but decided not to go down that road for numerous reasons. More on that some other time. Being a regular "House" watcher, I really love the way in which some of the cases develop and pose really strange scenarios. I would request all my medical friends to criticize this post blissfully if they spot any mistakes and inturn educate me on this topic.

First a simple class on the anatomy of the brain. The brain is made up of two halves, namely the left brain and the right brain. These are two are connected to each other by a thick cable of nerves at the base called as corpus collosum (Yeah yeah..I still remember the II PUC Biology class and Skimba). I simple terms, it is like an Ethernet cable connecting the two giant processors. The right side of our body is wired to the left side of the brain and vice versa and I really have no idea why it is so. There are numerous other parts as well, but for the time being lets stick with just these.

Both these halves carry out special functions. Among the numerous other tasks assigned to them, the left brain deals with the analytical and logical side of things. The right brain is more into the artistic and creative side. So if at all you are writing a GMAT or CAT, you have almost put the right brain to snooze, only to wake it up when you need to scratch your privates with your left hand.

I was reading about an interesting case, in which a guy's corpus collosum was totally removed in order to treat him for uncontrollable seizures(short circuits). The end result was that there was no coordination between the left brain and the right. As a result of this, the right hand and right eye could actually name an object such as pen but couldn't explain what is was used for. The left eye and hand were able to explain the use of the object, but unable to name it. Cool ha. 

If at all a similar thing happened to you, can you imagine the situation? Infact imagine a situation in which you are on a highway in your car and your driver just eloped as he couldn't take more of you and your peculiar situation. You identify your iPhone but have no idea what to do with it, a BMW in which you are seated but cant drive, you see your Barclays credit card but don't know how it use it, you are feeling hungry and you even recognize a McD outlet just across the road but cant process that fact that it serves food. Cool or Koole now?

How many kids have you actually heard saying they want to be a musician or a painter or even a writer? The reason for this is that our education is tailored in such a way that a lot of emphasis is based on the skills of the left brain like maths and science rather than art or drawing. Invariably, even though you might be a very creative person inside, you end up flexing more of your left brain until you reach an age where you have the freedom to choose your career path. In my case, when I actually look back, I didn't take up blogging and designing as a hobby until I finished my studies. Infact, I realized this as I was writing this post. Totally in love with my brain at this moment :)

If you are in a state of emotional turmoil and unable to take a decision, don't be hard on yourself and don't blame yourself too much. It just means that the two halves of your master, the brain are just quarreling and disagreeing on the topic which has put you in this situation. Ever wondered why its so hard to propose to a girl? While the logical side is reminding you of a possible slap or a high heeled shoe in your face, the emotional side is pushing you to see the "happily ever after" side of it.

A very interesting brain fact is that the size of your brain is about 1400cc. Metaphorically speaking, its as powerful as a Hayabusa and more importantly as intelligent as the super computer of 2030.

P.S - I ended up making a lot of spelling mistakes in writing this post, before correcting them. Can any of doctors let me know the possible reason?

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#IndianParents

For some unknown reason, I had started tweeting a lot with the hashtag of #IndianParents. Just to freshen up the memory, the following are some of them.

"Its disgusting. How can you think of girls being just a teenager ?" #IndianParents

"Start studying for your exams. Only 3 more months left "#IndianParents

"With these marks, you can neither become an engineer nor a doctor. Your life is doomed nd u r better off committing suicide"#IndianParents

"I saw a porn CD on our 19 yr old son's table. He is spoilt and we have 2 take him 2 a #psychiatrist before its 2 late"#IndianParents

"Stop talking to the guys in your class. If the word goes out, none of the grooms will agree to marry you" #IndianParents

Even though few might beg to differ, I'm sure a majority would have faced these kind of dialogues in their lifetime. One actually feels that these days are gone with our generation but I have been looking at a lot of new kids in that awkward age and a new breed of parents torturing their kids with the same old medicine in a new improved pack.

Its actually quite amusing to see parents resorting to their "hand holding" behavior even when their kids have actually given birth to kids. Respect can always be overrated and many a times is misinterpreted as bad advice, which is a very dangerous scenario. Telling your parents that you are about to start a new firm and would like them only to inaugurate it shows respect. However, discussing your future as a web designer or a Java programmer with your old man who is a pensioner can lead to disastrous circumstances. I'm not undermining the suggestions of parents but more often than not, it is always advisable to keep them posted rather than get posted by them until and unless you decide to follow your parents' footprints.

The fact that one has to marry a person chosen by parents might make the westerners go #wtf but it is definitely something that will take generations to eradicate. The concept of arranged marriages is logically equivalent to you picking up a random girl walking on the road and marrying her while you are being sober. In most of the cases, the guy and the girl don't talk much before getting married and most of the unwanted talk is done by parents. The following questions have been lingering as I haven't been able to get my head around arranged marriages:

1> How can the parents possibly get to know the kind of person a girl is, by just "checking her out" once, when even a lifetime is not enough to understand your spouses completely.

2> Even if you end up talking to the girl, how comfortable would you be discussing your "positions" and latex/leather/lather fetishes and that your are more of a "doggie-style" lover, all this and more on your first official privacy deprived date in front of parents.

3> The concept of a girl moving to a guy's house and getting used to his parents is most complicated part. The worst case can be a lazy nagging mother-in-law, a disease ridden father-in-law and a husband blaming you for the above problems.

It really is a gamble actually getting married like this. You know the fact that the odds of winning are very low and you decide to go all in. Guess these people will do great at the poker table with a poker face naturally seasoned over the years.

The Indian Parents take a lot of time to realize that their son/daughter has actually chosen a partner with whom they are ready to go that extra mile. In most of the cases they don't actually realize how lucky they are as they stand a chance to become grandparents. They should be happy just for the fact that their son has chosen a girl and their daughter has chosen a guy. For all we know, the daughter could have ended up using a lot of toys while the son son might have ended up with more than a sausage in his mouth.

I guess the trend is going to change soon and very soon homosexual marriages will be treated as love marriages. Who knows, even incest might be on the cards. Only time will tell.

Would love to read your opinions/experiences on this topic.

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All the Action from the Auction

This mid week post comes as a result of a special request and an unlikely number of 'Like's, which is always a pleasant surprise. I'll cut to the chase so that I have enough ink to write this sequel to Lights Camera Auction.

KKR's strategy just blew open the numerous controversies that engulfed them over the past 3 years. People who had any doubts in the fake IPL player's memoirs can now be as sure as the relationship between SRK and Karan Johar. The team looks good with some costly buys but for the kind of squirmish kid Gambhir is, he is sure to say, "These are my stumps, bat and ball. I'll not play if I'm not made the captain". One can surely see a Ganguly in him and KKR's troubles have only found version 2.0 with still no proper exception handling done on the Team_Owner(). 

RCB's strategy has always been to find the most trending chick of Bollywood, dress her up in red and make her walk the ramp. Ooops....wait...think thats only for the IPL nights after party. Even though I would have preferred to see the likes of Dravid, Kallis and Rossy once again, I'm happy that there is no more Vinay Kumar. I'm sure Kaif will do his best to make matters worse for the team, but Kaif only bats and fields(getting drinks doesn't count). So Kaif : 2, VK :3. Kaif wins the dual with a vital ability of not having the ability to bowl.

KXIP's only strategy was to remove all the man boobs from the team. VRV Singh was the catalyst and he successfully induced the same into their already double chinned captain. By the time the management realized this, the cancer had reached its final stage and any number of hugs from Preity could not cure the losing streak disease. Their selection looks decent but spending nearly $1 million on Piyush Chawla can only be attributed to Preity's fetish to cuddle up against someone of her own height.

DC was highly influenced by its Hyderabadi cuisine and decided they really need to have some meat in their line up. Thus they opted for Lumb Biriyani. But it was surprising to see them going for something Rusty when they already had a Gony bag with a White Steyn on it. One can only hope that there is Ishant in the team if at all Telangana becomes a new state.

MI looks like a team with a Blizzard like destruction in them. They made some very intelligent buys and Davy Jacobs seems to be the best buy. With Bhajji and Symo in the same team, either Bhajji has to stop saying "Maa-ki" or Symo has to stop hearing it as "Monkey". They have god on their side and he seems to be in a good form as well. Would definitely love to see Nita Ambani coming out of the closet, that is with a new pair of clothes.

CSK is one team that reminded me of the classic romantic Hindi movies. Their motto was to not let go of any of their old players even if they have to cross seven seas or run out of budget or even if the cement company goes bankrupt. But as of now, the bond looks as strong as India Cements and if at all they had included The Wall, that would have been the perfect icing.

RR is one team that is surely going to attract a lot of attention. Not because of the players picked and not even because of its owners. Who said Share Warne was a former player? Once a player, always a player and he continues to score a lot off field. Very soon RR will receive royalty  from an iPhone game called "Warne's Flip-Her". The game will keep popping random household things and you have to answer whether Warne has already humped that object in his real life or not. The objects can be as simple as a bowling ball to a HB pencil. The highest scorer gets access to a random video of Warne flipping someone.

PW has been maintaining a rather low profile ever since its conception. The team looks rather inexperienced but they have one weapon which no other team has. The ever so destructive Nehra. Many batsmen have reportedly crapped in their pants after seeing Nehra's insanely wide, protruding and yellow teeth in his delivery stride. Some, in order to avoid public humiliation, give away their wicket to him. As a result of these, Lionsgate has requested Nehra's permission to use his face in Saw's next edition. 

Kochi has already started entertaining their fans even before the start of IPL. By opening with a joke, or should I say a flurry of jokes, one thing is guaranteed and that is entertainment. By picking all the unwanted players from other teams, there is no doubt that the ones performing will be Shakeela, Reshma or Devika. After all, the new coconut pickers have their work cut out and only after they get their daily wages, will they be allowed to go onto the field. The shine on the ball is bound to stay on for the full 20 overs, all thanks to the coconut oil applied to the hair.

P.S - This post was not intended to hurt the feelings of any Mallu, whether in Kerala, Dubai or UK and was solely targeted at the iconic Mallu, Sreesanth.

P.P.S - I have great respect for Shakeela as a comedian. 

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Lights Camera Auction

After being riddled with numerous controversies ever since its last edition, the IPL players' auction finally took place in Bengaluru over the weekend. I was more eager to listen to Arun Lal's stupid comments than to actually watch the auction. The weekend sprung a lot of surprises with the media cashing in on the event more than anyone. Probably the auction got more coverage than any of the election results. A William Hill in India would have probably made millions over the weekend with an substantial number of farmer suicides.

To start off, the Bollywood bimbos were back showing off more booty than brains. One cant help but wonder if they even know the names of all the players in their team. Preity Zinta who has finally shelved her flab really needed to read the book "Auction rules for dummies". Somebody had to tell her that once a player has been bought, the bidding ends there and raising money and even her top after this wouldn't help her.

It was great to see Chennai retaining around 8 players from their original team thus emphasizing the fact that its a real team. RCB has a totally new look but then again to go through the phases of forming, storming, norming and performing will probably take atleast 1 edition of IPL. The funny thing is that all the teams have managed to find atleast one self destructor or suicide bomber for themselves. KKR has Brett Lee, RCB has Mohammad Kaif, KXIP has Piyush Chawla, DD has the stallion Ajit Agarkar, DC has Ishant Sharma, MI has Munaf Patel, CSK has S.Badrinath,  RR has Shaun Tait, PW has Ashish Nehra and Kochi has a brigade of suicide bombers with the likes of Jadeja, Sreesanth, R.P Singh,VVS and Vinay Kumar. These are the kind of players who can single handedly win the match for the opponents.

On the other hand there have been some great picks for the money paid for Davy Jacobs, V.D Merwe, KP, N.McCullum and Randiv. Most of these players will turn out to be the dark horses and it was nice to see that many uncapped international players were also in demand. The teams had done their research and were trying to form their teams based on some strategy. CSK for example, wanted to retain the old team as much as they could and RCB wanted to build a solid fielding unit and Kochi for that matter, looked like they wanted a team full of coconut pickers.

The best part about the auction was that the true quality of players came out. People have always been hypocritical and scared to play down the veterans even though deep down they also knew the hard reality. There was a time when Ganguly was a great player and ever since his weakness to the short ball was exposed, his decline started. For the kind of stubborn person he is, he refused to work on his weakness and was confident that his reputation was more than enough to continue his career. He probably wouldn't have been picked by any teams even in the first IPL if he hadn't been an icon player. Its high time that he put his pads down for good and grace us all with the good news of not becoming a commentator. I also felt that Lara should have opted out of the IPL. At his age, none of the teams would be interested in making an investment. It just reminded me of Schumacher making a return and failing terribly. 

I guess time will bring out the true colors of the teams and with the World Cup just around the corner, it promises to be a cricket feast for 3 months starting in mid February. Bring on the good stuff. As Mallya would say, "a small quarter for cricket, a great kick of mankind".

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2010: The year that wasn't, was and never will be

Its that time of the year when everyone is either coming up with resolutions or trying their best to avoid them. Either way, they are bound to be unsuccessful. The best way to cope with this is to come up with a resolution a month or two before the D-day and blissfully break it on that day. This way, the countdown looks more like a countdown to break the shackles rather than to get bound by them.

2010 has actually been a very controversial year even if you exclude my sting operation to prove the eternal lust turned love between David Cameron and Nick Clegg.

The British media couldn't blame it on the direction and speed of the wind and the sound of vuvuzelas and had to stick to Green for their Worldcup miseries. Probably was the best year for the England cricket team. The nicotine patches had changed into purple and with successes in the T20 Worldcup and the Ashes, it was probably their best chance of stealing the thunder away from football. After Afridi's hunger for white balls, the immature spot-fixing trio proved that men are bad at "faking it".

Assange and his uncontrollable leaks not only made matters worse for Uncle Sam but helped various sanitary brands to plug the leaks. Really love some of the mirrors on which Wiki Leaks is hosted http://213.251.145.96/Mirrors.html. The #Barkhagate controversy was the Indian vesion of Wiki Leaks.

Until October, Kalmadi was just a regular bearded guy wearing running shoes with formal pants. The money laundering and CWG scams where he paid more money for a rented Z-grade equipment than for a A-grade new one launched him to a totally untouchable level. Not because he couldn't be touched but because he was hiding under Soniaji's saree. Inspite of delivering the most 'booooo'ed speech at the opening ceremony and also partnering with Shera to flounder a share of this and a share of that, the man's style remained impeccably simple with the same aforementioned attire. For a guy who had looted so much of the tax payers' money that he could actually buy Armani, Gucci, Hugo Boss and still have spare change, he chose to wear the same clothes as the masons and proved that he was a simpleton.

It was a year when Tendulkar turned 37 and hit the best form of his life (Right, like we haven't heard that before). While millions were bowing down to the little master's achievements, Arun Lal and Sanjay Manjrekar were busy discussing the fact that Sachin's backlift has reduced by 1.2cms over these years and he has gained 2 pounds over the last year which in turn has helped him to set new records. Arun Lal also claimed on air that he had presented this magic formula to Sachin on his birthday but honorably requested  his identity to be kept anonymous.

While the politicians in Karnataka were too busy playing polistrip poker, with the only twist being not taking off their clothes but of their most beloved politicians from the opposite party. As the whole world witnessed politicians showing off their bare chests in the assembly, none of them even bothered about the more boiling issues of the state. When a severe shortage of vegetables occurred at the end of the year, the state government started blaming the central government and vice versa with CM Yeddy's solution being to set the record for the most number of temples visited in a week, yet again. The act required him to abstain from all possible activities that involved his libido. But he seemed to listen to 50 Cent's candy shop a lot and couldn't get past the line "Ill melt in your mouth girl, not in your hand".

To round it all up. I wish everyone a very depressing, stale and a crappy new year. Hope I have motivated all of you to prove me wrong and perform miracles this year.

Would love to read any interesting 31st night experiences in the comments section below. My indulgence on Absinth has made me wonder whether the whole party was probably a hallucination or not.

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